Life on Abram Lake

Back before there were just two of us (and Ada!) and I was a brand new grad, Blake and I moved across the country from Kelowna, BC to the small town of Sioux Lookout. Buried in the backwoods of Northwestern Ontario, Sioux Lookout is a hidden gem. Although many would balk at the fact that Blake and I willingly chose this rough-around-the-edges community for our family’s new home, we knew it was the right decision when, within a few days, we had made more friends than our entire year spent in Kelowna. When you live in a small town, people generally go out of their way to help out, support you and befriend you. It’s just how it’s done.

Hiking up Sioux Moutain two weeks before Henry was born

Being freshly post-op and couch-bound with a three-month old is no small task. I was incredibly thankful that Meg and Cat had chosen to use their precious vacation time to come to Revelstoke. Their week-long visit made the world of difference for me as my solo jaunts in the great outdoors were no longer possible on my crutches. I would have definitely gone stir-crazy had it not been for pyjama parties on our king-sized bed, lunches out at the Modern Cafe and a day at the spa! Blake won serious husband points when he cared for Henry while Megan, Cat and I went down to the resort day spa. Hours later, feeling relaxed and pampered and with skin as soft as Henry’s bottom, we returned back to the condo to a gourmet meal made by Blake. Talk about being spoiled!

Henry keeping me company on the couch

Cat giving Henry a bath

Cuddles with Auntie Megan

Morning PJ cuddles with Auntie Cat

Pre-spa face masks

Spa day!

Cat is very talented!

Out for dinner at the Village Idiot – Henry was captivated by the ski movie playing on the big screen

Henry, Megan and Morepork the owl conversing at the Modern Cafe

Loving the attention & funny faces from Auntie Cat

Out on the town at the Taco Club with Cat

Megan & Cat on the slopes!

Pizza night!

Before my surgery, Henry, Ada and I made a point of getting outdoors every day. Obviously this wasn’t possible for me post-op so I greatly appreciated the fact that during their visit, Megan and Catherine took Henry and Ada out all by themselves – no small feat that definitely deserves mentioning! After two afternoons about town and hiking along the Columbia River with not one tear shed, I awarded them with friends of the year 🙂

Snuggling with Megan

Triple hug! haha

Day out success!

Cat & Ada enjoying the great outdoors

All joking aside, when your friends not only witness but actively take part in the birth of your first-born (see the blog post entitled The Arrival), your relationship changes forever. I am incredibly thankful for my friendship with Cat and Megan and hope that they will be in Henry’s (and our) life (lives) for many years to come.

Cat, Megan and I right after Henry was born

Since Megan and Catherine’s visit, Henry has grown in leaps and bounds. Beginning around 15 weeks, Henry’s whole world has seemed to open up in just a matter of days! He has really started to notice his surroundings in ways that he hadn’t before. He now will smile at Blake and I from a different room and will follow our movements about the condo. He also recently ‘discovered’ Ada, despite the fact that she has been by his side his entire life. He loves to watch her and touch her fur. It has been hilarious watching Henry discover different parts of his body like his feet and his tongue!

Buddies!

In terms of his motor development, he now can easily pick up a toy and put it in his mouth, roll from his back to his tummy, and when put on his belly, he will dig his toes in and push himself forward. Just a few days ago, he began to sit unassisted in a tripod position. Henry has also graduated from his bassinet to a crib and not infrequently, we will find him in flipped over and in a completely different end of the crib from where he started when he wakes from a nap. He is a mover!

Sitting up all alone!

Blake has also been continuing to train him for the next ski season. Despite my protests, Henry can now do a 360 and loves every minute of it!

Best of all, he has consistently started to laugh, especially when you dance around with him to music. I have always loved being with him, but even more so now, it is a great deal of fun to interact with him and to discover what he likes.

As our days in Revelstoke dwindle and my return to work looms, I have been soaking in every minute with Henry. Although the milestones are exciting, it has been the every day moments that I enjoy the most. Making Henry laugh and smile while changing him, being greeted with his huge smile first thing in the morning, holding his tiny hand while nursing him… I could go on and on. Blake and I are incredibly fortunate to be parents and not a day goes by that I don’t feel thankful that Henry has changed our lives and our relationship for the better.

When I was about 22 weeks pregnant and still a resident physician at the Kelwona General Hospital, I remember working a night shift for the hospitalist service. This entailed being on-call for about 180 admitted patients who were ‘orphaned’ (i.e. didn’t have a family doctor to care for them while in hospital), as well as completing any new admissions to our service that evening. As the night started, there were eight patients waiting in the ER to be seen by me, and the list was growing. Needless to say, I was running around like crazy and my brain was constantly being pulled in many different directions at once. That night, as I scooted by the nursing station in the main ER department, two pagers clipped to the skinny belt resting on the height of my emerging belly, my favourite ER doctor, Jeff Eppler flagged me down.

Dr. Eppler is one of those preceptors that makes practicing medicine an absolute joy. With tousled chin-length peppered hair, crinkly eyes, stories of rock-concerts and his own experiences in ‘toxicology’ ever on his lips, Dr. Eppler is ALWAYS good for pearls of wisdom. This time, I was not disappointed. With his hand on my belly, he stopped me and said, “Celia, the most amazing thing about being a parent is that when this little one is born, you will hold him and you will not be able to comprehend how much you absolutely love him. This is the greatest gift of all”. At the time, I had smiled and nodded, gripping the 40-page list of patients I was covering, not understanding the importance of his statement.

Months later, with Henry in my arms, I finally understand what he was trying to tell me. Being a mother is full of ups and downs, challenges and fears. Not a day goes by when I don’t have at least one thought of self-doubt, anger and frustration. There are days where I feel absolutely trapped by this little being, moments when I envision myself walking out the door and leaving for a weekend of self-indulgence and thoughts of absolute selfishness. There have also been times when I have held Henry in my arms, rocking him fiercely while he screamed and his tiny body bucked and fought my ever tightening grip. In those moments, when my anger and resentment seeped out in a waterfall of tears onto his red little face, it was only my slow and deliberate breaths that enabled me to keep myself from falling to pieces.

But the thing is, Dr. Eppler was so right. Despite all of this, when I look at Henry’s face, there is not one single other living creature on Earth that I love more ferociously than I love him. In fact, this sentiment on many occasions has brought me to tears. It is so difficult to express how much you can love your child.

So, today, on Valentine’s Day, I feel incredibly lucky to now have TWO Valentines to love. Fortunately for me, Henry is more complacent in the face of my constant barrage of kisses and cuddles than Blake!

Much love to all!

Ada constantly supervising 🙂

Discovering Sophie

Henry was doing tummy time when Ada decided that she needed to join in  with her rat 🙂

Reading time

Morning kisses

Folding laundry is so much fun!!

Loving his feet

Morning smiles

Mom & Henry selfie 🙂

Reading during breakfast!

Still a red head!

Besties!

Like the heavy snow slipping of the weighted cedar branches, the days of January have slid by. As I sit in our living room, the sun brightly shining over Mount Begbie, backed by a sky of brilliant blue, I can’t believe how fast our time in B.C. is going by.

Mount Begbie from our window

Our first few weeks in Revelstoke have been nothing short of amazing. Although the ski conditions have been less than ideal for Blake, Henry, Ada and I have definitely made the best of my mobility before I was scheduled to go under the knife for knee surgery. Hikes up Mount Mackenzie, snowshoeing in the quiet woods on Mount Revelstoke and sweat-drenching work-outs on the nordic ski trails of Mount Macpherson have filled our days, interspersed with trips to the hot tub, to the local community pool and to the day spa at the base of the Revelstoke Mountain Resort.

The view as we hike up Mount Mackenzie

Hiking up Mount Mackenzie – a 1.5hour uphill climb!

Taking the gondola back down from mid-station on Mount Mackenzie

Sporting a new hand-knit hat from our friend Kirsten!

A very snowy ski!

Swimming at the community pool

When we first decided to come out to Revelstoke, Blake made up a Google Calendar and sent it out to our friends asking them to book themselves into our guest bedroom. The days quickly filled up and the first of our visitors began mid-January with the arrival of our friends Courtney, Matt and their dog, George. At the same time, we were reunited with a number of the ‘R2s’, a group of fun-loving physicians and their partners who did their residency training in Kelowna a year ahead of myself. Our social calendar began to get busy with dinners out at the Village Idiot (the local pub), at our condo and at friends’ homes. Although I was happy to get out and visit, it was also a challenge to balance our social lives with Henry’s sleep schedule. Fortunately, he was extremely patient with us and was happy to go out and party while sleeping or snuggling in the Ergo carrier.

At the Village Idiot

Ada and her boyfriend George chilling out at the condo

Courtney and Henry

We also have been continuing to take advantage of our ‘ownership’ status here at the Sutton Place Hotel. Since we are staying in Blake’s friend’s condo, we are considered owners at the hotel which allows us perks beyond the nightly complimentary wine and cheese in the lobby. With his ‘owner card’, Blake is allowed to bypass the gondola line on powder days which has been a great plus for him. Last week, the hotel held an owner appreciation day which was a lot of fun for Matt, Courtney, Blake and I. It started out with a ride up to the mid-station lodge via the gondola in the early morning of a powder day for a delicious buffet breakfast. As we stuffed ourselves with gourmet eggs, pastries and coffee, we watched the darkness of the morning slowly make way to a metallic grey which eerily illuminated the snow-covered trees clinging to the backs of the jagged giants that surrounded us. It was truly beautiful. As the boys pushed on to the peak of the mountain for their day of powder turns, Courtney, Henry and I made our way back down to the base, only to see that the gondola line that had began to form at 6:30am was now snaking its way all the way to the parking lot! Unfortunately, towards mid-morning, the snow conditions had turned out to be quite poor and so Blake and Matt joined us for a complimentary lunch at the hotel, followed by an apres-ski wine and cheese – all included in the perks of ‘ownership’!

Eating breakfast at the mid-station lodge

The mid-station lodge

Going down in the Gondola

The line at the base of the Gondola

Although life has been pretty idyllic, our last few weeks haven’t been without challenges, mostly in the sleep department. Henry has never been a terrible sleeper – the majority of the time he has been waking up every 4 hours to nurse since about 2 weeks old, but over the past few weeks, he had started to become more and more dependent on having a soother and being rocked to sleep than ever before. He continued to wake for feeds, but he had also started waking up if his soother had fallen out of his mouth or if he had busted out of his swaddle. Worse still, it had come to the point where I would have to get out of bed multiple times to help him get back to sleep by rocking him. This made for long nights just as we had thought we were making progress by moving him into his own room.

Just as things had started to become a bit challenging, we were expecting a visit with our dear friends Chris and Kelly, a couple we had met on Haida Gwaii two summers previous. They had a 5-month old named Walter and had recently started to sleep train him with seriously amazing results (Walter had been waking every 2 hours for a number of weeks and his first night of ‘sleep training’ led to a 10.5hr sleep!!). Since we wanted to support Chris and Kelly in their sleep schedule while they visited for a week, we decided that we would give it a go with Henry! Maybe, just maybe, Walter would teach Henry a thing or two!

Walter and Henry

Reading time with Auntie Kelly

The boys on the couch

Before I became a Mom, I had zero knowledge about the many infant sleep philosophies and ‘programs’ that existed. To summarize, it is incredibly confusing territory with methods from ‘Attachment Parenting’ to ‘Ferberizing’, to ‘Pick-Up, Put-Down’ and ‘Gradual Extinction’. Browse the Internet and you will come across pages and pages of advice and theories on how to get your squawking baby to sleep through the night.

To be clear, I really had no real qualms about feeding Henry in the night. He had become quite efficient at nursing and it was MUCH quicker to feed him and put him back to sleep (usually 20 min) in the night than it had been weeks earlier (when it used to take 60-80min!). What I had started to worry about was heading back to work. I had received my work schedule for March and the reality of being a working Mom had hit me. We had to try to encourage Henry to learn to sleep on his own with the hope that I would only need to get up to feed him and not to rock him or struggle with his soother and swaddle.

So, the sleep training began.

On night #1, Chris and Kelly arrived with Walter. We were so excited to see them! After dinner, Walter went down for bed in a record 5 minutes, while Henry’s usual night-time routine took at least 25-30min. Kelly and Chris schooled us in the plan of attack for the night – when Henry woke up, we were to wait 10 minutes, then go into the room and rub his belly while ‘shushing’ him back to sleep. We were to do this every time he woke up with the exception at the 4-hour marks which were usually his nursing times. Oh, and we took away the soother and swaddle – our sleep-time staples!

Fortified with red wine, room-service desserts and industrial ear muffs, the night began. Henry cried for 35 minutes the first time while Blake, Kelly and Chris traded off doing the ‘shushing’ in ten-minute intervals. I, on the other hand, wore the ear muffs, devoured the red wine and sobbed into my chocolate mouse. This continued through the night, with Henry waking four times, but encouragingly, crying less each time.

Sleep training essentials – wine and ear muffs

Night #2 began with more wine and dark chocolate truffles. The crying ensued for 30 minutes, but this time, Henry only awoke once at 1am to nurse, sleeping from 8:30pm to 7:30am! Maybe, just maybe it was working!

With our new-found confidence and MUCH encouragement and cheerleading from Chris and Kelly, on night #3, Blake and I put Henry down to sleep (20 min of crying), then LEFT THE BUILDING FOR A NIGHT OUT! Chris and Kelly generously had offered to babysit and so Blake and I fully took advantage of the offer and had the most delicious dinner at the Woolsely Cafe in Revy. It was our first time away from Henry, and did it ever feel great to get out! Miraculously, he slept from 7:00pm until 8:20am, waking only once to nurse in the night. It was amazing.

We continued on this path, and on night #6, Henry slept from 8:30pm until 7:00am without a PEEP! We also had gradually stopped ‘shushing and patting’ until by night #7, we could change Henry, give him a massage, have a little cuddle and song, put him in his bassinet sans swaddle or soother and walk away. Amazing! I just couldn’t believe how quickly he had learnt to soothe himself! It had definitely been extremely difficult to hear him cry that first night, but wow, what a quick little learner.

Kelly and I out for a snowshoe – we left all the boys to fend for themselves at home

Ada loving life!

We returned home to see the boys were all still alive and well!

At the wine & cheese in the hotel lobby

Chris, Kelly & Walter – Walter had had enough of wining and dining

Henry sporting his ‘smoking jacket’

Unfortunately, our visit with Chris, Kelly and Walter had to come to an end and as they returned back to Alberta, we packed the car to travel to Banff for my surgery.

After three years of knee problems and two surgeries, I was heading into yet another ACL reconstruction, this time with renowned orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Greg Butchko at the Banff Sports Medicine Clinic. I definitely was apprehensive going in, not just because of the surgery, but I was also leaving Blake and Henry for an entire day. I had never been apart from Henry for more than 2 hours before this so I was nervous! With a cooler filled of breastmilk, the boys hunkered down at the Banff Park Lodge while I walked next door to the Banff Mineral Springs Hospital. By late afternoon, I was heading out the door on crutches, but in good spirits. The surgery had gone well and I (fingers crossed) would never be facing another revision. We spent the next day in Banff before heading home to Revelstoke so that I could recuperate in front of the fire with mountains in view.

Post-op at the Banff Mineral Springs Hospital

Aside from the progress in the sleep department, Henry keeps growing and changing in so many ways. He laughed for the first time a few days ago – a sound that any parent will do anything to hear again and again. Henry is also demonstrating feats of strength. He isn’t a big baby, but man is he ever strong! He loves to stand essentially on his own and recently, Blake will hold him up and he will support his own weight, hanging off of Blake’s thumbs. Henry has also ‘discovered’ his feet and will spend much time staring at his toes, so much so that if he is sitting on the couch doing so, he will eventually end up in a face plant in his eagerness to get closer to these strange creatures 🙂 Language-wise, he continues to coo and ‘sing’, especially while nursing which is adorable and endlessly entertaining.

Best friends

Diaper changing with Henry’s ‘More-pork’

Strong man! Also – Blake is responsible for the massive diaper ahhaha

Always drooling in Jolly Jumper

Ada and Henry hanging out together

Kisses!

At 3 months old

Not loving it anymore hahah

Next up on our social agenda is a week-long visit from our Sioux Lookout friends Cat & Megan! We can’t wait to see them and I will definitely appreciate more hands to help with Henry. Hopefully in a few weeks I will be back on my feet and enjoying the mild B.C. weather!

Tall snow-covered spruce and hemlock tower over me. The cool breeze blows stray stands of hair against my damp neck. My body is enveloped in the most gloriously hot salt water with only my toes peeking out of the bubbling pool. Is this real life!? I close my eyes and my brain drifts into silence.

Blake, Henry and I have landed in the lap of luxury and does it ever feel amazing!

When we first became pregnant, discussions about how and where we might spend my maternity leave quickly led to dreams about living in Blake’s most favoured place on Earth, Revelstoke, B.C. Although to our friends and family, driving across the country with a two-month old baby to live in a tiny mountain town seemed ludicrous and potentially disastrous, to us, having never been parents, going on yet another adventure seemed like the obvious thing to do. Well-intentioned friends and family encouraged us to think twice about our plans and during one of our sunny afternoon sails on Abram Lake way back in August, I waffled. Was it crazy of us to do this? Shouldn’t we just stay home like normal people? But, the plan stuck and months later, we have finally arrived in paradise.

The view from our condo window

Downtown Revelstoke

Home to about 5,000 people, the blue-collared town, with it’s smattering of high-end gear-sporting ski tourists is nestled along the Columbia river walled by the magnificent, jagged-peaked Selkirk mountains. The town itself boasts a vibrant downtown filled with shops and restaurants, however, the big draw for Blake and for many others who have flocked here, are the mountains. Four seasons of continuous outdoor activities are the reason most North Face/Arcteryx/Spider-wearing outdoor enthusiasts live here.

Anxious to dip his new skis in the fluffy powder, Blake arranged for us to rent his friend’s ski condo right on Mount Mackenzie at the Revelstoke Mountain Resort. After a sweaty and uncomfortable four-and-a-half hour plane ride for Henry and I and an equally gruelling five-day drive for Blake and Ada, we were all reunited in Calgary before pressing on through the mountains to Revelstoke.

Visiting with our friend Molly in Calgary

Revelsoke Mountain Resort

Our condo in Revy

Dad’s rocker

Catching up on Revy news

Family photo at the nightly wine & cheese

Blake and Henry enjoying the wine and fire. Ah! So cozy!

Chilling out

We have only been here for five days, but I truly already feel as if I have just scrubbed a layer of anxiety and fatigue off my skin. I don’t know how to explain it, but the mountains do that to you.

Since our arrival, Henry has been moved into a separate room which has done wonders for all of our night’s sleep. The fresh mountain air might also have something to do with it 🙂 While Blake has been out re-exploring his old stomping ground and has been breaking his skis in, Henry, Ada and I have been equally busy with outdoor activities.

Snowshoeing with Henry

Ada loving life in the mountains

First time in the chariot

We have been out for long walks, we snowshoed (partially) up Revelstoke Mountain and today we spent a glorious afternoon bombing around on cross-country skis at the McPherson Nordic Centre.

Tearing down the hills of the nordic trails, with Ada leading the charge followed by Blake and then Henry and I bringing up the rear, I couldn’t help but feeling incredibly happy and infinitely grateful that we were able to enjoy the outdoors in such a beautiful place.

We finished off the day with a complimentary wine and cheese at the hotel, dinner and more wine by the fire.

In short – Revy is an amazing place! Come visit!

Ada giving Henry some love

Haha french kiss!

First time in the Jolly Jumper (thanks Kim & Christian!)

Henry at Blake’s birthday at the Rockford restaurant at the resort

Henry, Jade & Blake out for dinner

Henry getting a bit tired… haha

Here are a few pictures from our Christmas in Bracebridge & Kingston!

With Auntie Leah

With Mom in Muskoka

Family Christmas!

Our little family

Endless games of Settlers of Catan

Blake & Ava making cookies

A baby’s first Christmas

Too much booze!

My stocking is huge! Thanks Nana!

With Nana in Kingston

Ava loving her Christmas presents

The Kingston Christmas aftermath

We did portraits with our family in Muskoka…

This one is hilarious

The ‘kids’

This was BLAKE’S idea! haha

So cheesy!

Happy New Year! 2015 for Henry and I started with a bang! I had gone to bed with him before 10pm and after a little prayer to the baby sleep gods, we tucked in for the night. Promptly at midnight, this little goober decided it was time to party and woke up with his New Years noise-maker 🙂

Henry modelling the adorable italian-made “Pram Outfit” from Holt Renfrew that was given to my little brother as a baby

Last night was our first night without Blake as he had started his cross-country journey at 5am that morning with a very reluctant Ada. Henry and I will be joining him soon as we settle into the last leg of our mat leave – a two-month stint in Revelstoke, B.C.

The past two weeks have been full of change again for Henry. Just when I think we have him somewhat figured out, he adds something brand new to his repertoire! He certainly keeps us on our toes.

As Henry has become more and more aware of his surroundings, we’ve been showered with delightful smiles and lots of cooing. When he’s fed and happy, he will often ‘talk’ to anyone willing to engage with him for prolonged periods of time. It’s so much fun to watch him learn to imitate our faces and sounds. I have been encouraging Blake to talk to Henry in ‘baby-speak’ – the natural way most people communicate with babies (high-pitched, repetitive, exaggerated intonation). I know it sounds ridiculous to bystanders but research (and now experience!) shows that babies DO respond best to this. So, in response to my cajoling, Blake now tells Henry about the news and the stock market in a hilarious falsetto voice!

Henry has also been doing his ‘exercises’ with Blake (he’s still in training for next year’s ski season). He is able to roll from front to side/back, stand with balance support and has great control of his head. He is really getting strong!

Henry in his adorable knitted overalls made by my very talented sister

The downfall to Henry’s new social awareness and motor skills is that now, instead of being able to put him down during the day and have him reliably sleep for at least two hours, his napping has now become quite the comedic show (although, truly, neither Henry nor I are usually laughing!). For example, today it took me THREE WHOLE HOURS to get him to sleep 45 measly minutes!

The nights aren’t much better, unfortunately. He has had a few nights where he will sleep about 5 hours in a row, but lately, the entire night consists of him thrashing around in his bassinet – cranking his head back and forth while trying to bust out of his swaddle with Herculean strength, all the while jack-knifing his legs repetitively with such determination that any Pilates instructor would be impressed. Oh, and during all of this activity, he grunts loudly throughout. Not the best way for any of us to get any shut-eye.

Henry in his sweater made by my dear friend Sarah

So, as you can see, we (or at least me!) are STILL sleep obsessed! My friend recently sent me this article which any mom can identify with as all of the sleep advice and research seems to be contradictory, or at the very least, not all that helpful in reality. For example – “put your baby down drowsy, but awake”. Fine, I tried that about 25 times today which reliably resulted in a screaming baby. Terrified that I will teach him that screaming equates me picking him up, I then try continuously (but to no avail) to calm him by stroking his forehead or rubbing his belly. This almost always fails and eventually I pick him up and rock him. Parenting fail.

Henry & Blake watching ski movies – getting excited for Revelstoke!

Regardless of the sleepless nights and the frustrations, I feel incredibly lucky to ring in 2015 with a healthy, happy baby, a loving husband and a supportive family. We are all extremely fortunate to live in a conflict-free country where we are able to exercise democratic rights in a (mostly) just political system. I hope 2015 brings more adventures, surprises, challenges and joys to your family and to ours!

Happy New Year!

As my eyes slowly drift open, the glowing numbers on the digital clock come into focus. 2:26am. In a sleep-laden haze, I struggle to get my bearings. I hear Henry’s slow, rhythmical breathing. Painfully, I straighten out my body from my previous semi-recumbent position, my head awkwardly lolled to the side. Looking down, Henry sleeps on my chest, his mouth slack with my breast still resting in his slightly opened mouth. I have no idea how long we have been in this position. Has Henry fed both sides? How long has he been nursing? Too exhausted to think, I close my eyes again and the lure of sleep envelopes me again.

But in my mind, a silent battle wages. “Wake up, wake up, wake up”, I chant to myself, but my body feels like lead. I just cannot move. Then the bargaining begins. “Ok, I will count ten of Henry’s breaths, then will really wake up, finish feeding him, change him and put him properly to sleep in his bassinet”. I count ten of his slow, heavy breaths… Minutes pass… 2:42 am. Shit. “Come on, get up!” In the end, my fatigue wins. Instead of putting him in the bassinet, I snuggle him close to me in bed. For now, he’ll have to spend another few hours in his wet diaper.

These eyelashes don’t come from me!

Eight weeks into Henry’s life, I feel that I have become obsessed with sleep. I think about it constantly – calculating the next time Henry might have a nap, running a list of items that need to be accomplished in the time that he might nap for, obsessing over what the best strategy is to enable Henry to lengthen his night-time sleep intervals… My fantasies now consist of me imagining myself alone in a king-sized hotel room bed, surrounded by 5 fluffy pillows, complete darkness and 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. As the Mom of one of our friends put it recently, “When Dirk was 6 weeks old, I remember thinking, ‘Ok, this has been nice, but when do I get a break?'” I can’t identify more with her comment. When do I get my post-call day?!

Starting to smile lots!

Since Blake, Henry and I have been in Southern Ontario over the past few weeks, we have been following Henry’s lead in terms of a ‘schedule’. He generally wants to be fed every 3-4 hours and we just put him to sleep when he looks tired – usually in someone’s arms, in a stroller or carrier and at random intervals throughout the day. Bedtime was no different, when we went to bed, so did Henry.

One day last week, I suddenly was struck by the realization that we hadn’t started to ‘train’ Henry to optimize his sleep. Maybe it was something someone said or a post from another Mom on Facebook, but that day, I made the mistake of Googling “sleep two month-old”.  Sleep schedules and a plethora of advice from community bulletin posts written by other Moms emerged.

“Start training your six-week old with a bedtime routine”, “always put your baby down to nap in the same place, do not use sleep ‘crutches'”, “your baby should have motionless sleep and should not nap or sleep in strollers or car seats”…

Sleeping in the carrier on one of our wintery walks

Start training at six weeks!?!? Henry was already coming up to eight-weeks and it hadn’t even occurred to me that we should have started training him to be on a schedule. Panicked, I pulled out a sleep book that had been given to me as a shower gift and started reading. Illogically, I began to curse myself for being a neglectful parent. How could I have missed the boat!? Now Henry would be broken, his sleep cycle irreparable for life! I decided in that moment that we needed to start doing exactly what the book was recommending. We would begin routine naps and regular intervals and start a bedtime routine.

That night, the plan had been to feed him around his usual time of 6:30pm and then keep him up until 9:30pm, feed him then put him ‘to bed’.  At 7:30pm, Henry’s eyes were drooping and efforts to keep him awake resulted in him screaming. My anxiety levels shot through the roof and soon I was in tears as well. It didn’t seem right what we were doing, but wasn’t this part of the ‘schedule’?! The next night, we tried again, but this time, while my Mom cuddled him so that I could eat my dinner, he passed out cold. Attempts to wake him up and keep him up lead to a similar scene as the previous night. Henry and I were both confused and similarly distressed.

On the quilt that was made for Henry by our neighbour’s Mother

Through my sobs, I wailed to Blake about how we were ruining him. On one hand, I was sure that if we didn’t start sleep training him NOW, he would fall terribly behind, but in the same breath, I pleaded with Blake to abandon our previously discussed strategy of following the sleep ‘rules’. In the end, Blake logically pointed out that it was pointless to try to get him on any sort of ‘routine’ while we were visiting friends and family for Christmas. He was right.  Of course he would fall asleep in people’s arms and would sleep at random times during the day while we were in the car travelling or out walking or snowshoeing.

Our first snowshoe adventure on the hill at our house in Muskoka

But I  still couldn’t shake my anxiety. I felt like I was failing Henry somehow as a parent. As my Mom hugged me and comforted me, reiterating that we were doing a great job, I knew deep down that we WERE good parents and I was being completely crazy. I wondered if other parents struggled in the same way…

In the end, we still don’t know what the right strategy is but hopefully we’ll figure something out!

 

After our bath

The last few weeks have been full of changes for Henry. He has grown significantly in length and weight, but more strikingly he is become much more social. Suddenly, he is aware or his surroundings and of people around him. When he’s fed and changed, he will spend at least an hour cooing and smiling at those around him. Blake has also been excited by his strength – if you support him upright, he is able to ‘stand’ on his own! Blake is sure he will have him on skis by next Winter.

Cuddling with Leah in Muskoka

Last week, in Muskoka, we had our Sprague Family Christmas. It is a rare occasion that my sister, my brother and I are at our family home at the same time. This past weekend, not only were all the siblings home, as well as both my parents, but Blake and Henry, my sister’s kids, Luc (3 yrs) and Rosie (7 yrs) and my brother’s girlfriend Meghan were there too. It was a busy weekend filled with tree-decorating, sledding, cookie-making and endless games of Settlers of Catan. It was a lot of fun!

Setting up the Catan board

Hanging out with Rosie & Luc

This was taken right after the first one 🙂

At the Christmas tree

Merry Christmas!

Auntie Leah & Henry

Luc & Rosie studying the Christmas presents

Luc & Rosie making sugar cookies

Rosie concentrating hard while holding Henry

Sliding on the driveway

Luc & Rosie schooling Blake in pop music 🙂

We took to the road again this Monday and traveled to Kingston from Muskoka to spend two weeks with Blakes’ family. On the way, we popped in to visit our friend’s parents near Fenlen Falls and stopped in Peterborough to pick up a used Chariot stroller (complete with the ski attachment!) and to take Henry to the Canadian Canoe Museum! It was his first museum trip  and although Blake and I were pretty keen to seen the collections, he slept the entire time, waking up only to nurse while I watched fabulous footage from iconic Bill Mason’s paddles.

Blake catching a fish at the Canadian Canoe Museum

Henry loving the sights at the museum  🙂

Learning about the Voyageurs

Blake selling beaver pelts to Henry

Now in Kingston, we are set up again to stay for a few weeks before heading West in the New Year. If anything, I hope that our hobo travels with trailer in tow will teach Henry to be flexible and adventure-seeking! 🙂

Visiting our friends Charlotte, Jon & Wesley!

Henry was the star of the South Monck Drive neighbourhood party!

Sleeping on the kitchen table in Muskoka

Blake’s answer for a crying baby – attaching the dog’s leash to the bassinet and hanging it from the ceiling

Sleeping by the wood stove in Muskoka

Morning coffee with Grandpa Steve

At six weeks old

The kids helping to give Henry a morning bath

It’s 6:45am. With Henry in the sling, we sit by the woodstove in my parent’s kitchen in Muskoka  – Ada at my feet. We have been up since 3am nursing, walking the creaking farmhouse floors, pumping, burping, changing, etc. Three times I tried to put him down in the bassinet, each time unsuccessfully. I finally gave up on sleep at 5:30am, put Henry in the carrier, turned on the coffeemaker and pulled out the computer.

Rough morning!

It’s been almost two weeks since we have been in Southern Ontario with our families and friends. Henry is becoming an intrepid traveler 🙂 braving multiple trips to and from Muskoka to visit. In actual fact, he’s fantastic in the car and mostly sleeps, with occasional meltdowns requiring immediate roadside nursing sessions!

First time at a mall – Mom and I had to stall in Barrie due to weather on our way up to Muskoka for the first time

Driving, driving, driving

So far, our travels have taken us from Muskoka to St. Catharines, Dundas, Toronto and Burlington. Our first visit was with my ninety-seven year-old Grandpa Joe. It was pretty special to see him take interest in the squirmy bundle of chubby legs and kissable lips!

Meeting Great-grandpa Joe Reid in St. Catharines

With Great-grandpa Joe at almost 4 weeks old

Our first weekend in Muskoka, Blake’s brother, Darren and his four year-old daughter Ava came to visit. It was a beautiful weekend with lots of snow allowing for snowfort-building, snowshoeing and snowman-making. Ava was adorable and very motherly to Henry – patting him on the back, helping to change his diaper and frequently cupping his face with her hands while planting kisses on his face.

Snowy Bracebridge!

Ava in the fort that Blake built for her

Ava and her snowman

Blake hard at work building a fort for Ava

Poor Blake – always getting beat up 🙂

Meeting Uncle Darren for the first time

Uncle Darren, Ava and Henry

Everyone hard at work in Muskoka with Mom multitasking with Henry

Ava holding Henry for the first time – the love was mutual!

Hanging out at home with Ava, Uncle Darren and Uncle John

With Bat Girl!

Mom & Ava tending to Henry

Uncle Darren, Ava & Henry

Ava holding Henry

We also traveled to Dundas to visit my other grandparents on the Sprague side. Henry visited with his namesake, his ninety-nine year-old great-grandfather Henry Sprague. Although both of the Henrys slept through the entire visit, it was so amazing to think about the connection between the two Henrys and the many historical events, political changes, lives lived and technological advances that have occurred within the 100 years between my grandfather and my son’s births. Henry also met my Nana, who at ninety-four has been following Henry via pictures sent to her iPad. I am so grateful that he was able to meet all three of his great-grandparents.

With his great-grandmother in Dundas at 5 weeks old

The sleeping Henrys

Nana, Grandpa Steve & Henry

Future employment?!

On our way back to Muskoka, we stopped briefly in Toronto to see my good friend Emily and her partner, Nick. Although it was a quick visit, it was fabulous to see her and her new puppy, Gus!

Henry with Emily & Gus the puppy who was desperate to lick him!

He’s growing so quickly!

Henry loved Nick

With Emily

At the dog park with Gus

Look at that double chin!

Back in Muskoka, with the snow falling again, the paces of day-to-day life are pretty blissful. Mornings are drawn out with cups of coffee and snuggles by the woodstove and evenings are spent visiting with my parents and brother and games of Settlers of Catan. Having my Mom help out with Henry has also been fantastic. Blake and I have had a few outings just by ourselves which, to the non-parents out there, doesn’t seem too exciting, but even an hour at the gym or a lunch out without Henry have been quite special 🙂

Our routine daily walks in snowy Bracebridge

Blake helping Dad shovel the roof

Ada loving the snow much more since she’s been groomed

Dad’s snowy wood shed and wood furnace

Our Muskoka home

On a walk taking in Muskoka’s beauty

Snuggling with Mom & Dad

Hanging out with Uncle John

Toasting Henry’s arrival with champagne on the first night that we got to Bracebridge

Blake giving Ada a piggyback ride…

Ada’s not loving it…

And off she goes!

Now as 5 weeks have passed, I cannot believe how quickly the days have slipped away. Henry has been growing and changing at a mind-boggling pace. At 4 and a half weeks, he tipped the scales at over 10lbs, which is no surprise as he loves to nurse and has been rapidly packing on the pounds. Blake’s mantra for him has now become, “Oh Hungry? Oh Henry!”.

At 5 weeks old sporting an outfit given to him by our neighbours Jon & Suzann Partridge

Parents of newborns the world over I’m sure can identify with the constant amazement at how each day brings something new. I hope I never forget the flipflop of my belly the first time, while singing to him, Henry looked into my eyes and smiled. Henry still snoozes most of the time and usually feeds every 4 hours, but now actually spends some time alert and happy. I love watching him take the world in with his beautiful blue eyes 🙂

Wintertime!

The week before we were scheduled to leave Sioux Lookout for my maternity leave adventure, the weather had decidedly turned wintery. Our beach transformed into a blanket of white and patches of ice floated in the shallow bay. Abandoning our stroller, we continued our daily walks with Henry snuggled into the adorable snowsuit given to him by our neighbours.

Sunset over the beach

Our snow-covered beach

Snowy Ada

Walking before the snow…

Switching it up for the ErgoBaby carrier

Despite the changing seasons, our loose ‘routine’ at home remained the same. Our Sioux Lookout days slipped by, melting into one another – lines blurring between days of the week. I no longer was ruled by my iPhone calendar, ringing with reminders of rounds, clinics and ER shifts. Days were filled with visits with our neighbours, baking, walks, laundry, cleaning and nursing Henry on the couch. Life was pretty simple!

Streeeetch!!!! Sporting the newborn booties from Julia & Travis 🙂

Although I was enjoying my time at home, the challenges of breastfeeding accentuated by the chronic sleep deprivation was starting to take a toll on me. I began to quietly dread the evenings, recognizing their inevitable fall into night. My apprehension for the nighttime brewed like a storm gathering strength in the distance. For some reason, the challenges of motherhood somehow seemed more unmanageable in the darkness. Often, I felt like nursing Henry was more akin to a wrestling match as I tried to hold down his arms, get him onto the breast as he clawed my chest, correct his latch and nurse him all the while I curled my toes and clenched his little head in pain. Even worse was the infuriating process of getting him back to sleep after nursing and changing him. I would rock him with vigour, knowing that every minute that passed was one less minute of sleep for me and one minute closer to the time that I would have to restart the process of nursing, changing, burping, often re-changing and putting him back down to sleep. In those moments of frustration, when Henry’s swaddle blanket became my tear-soaked handkerchief, I felt like a terrible mom. Wasn’t I supposed to cherish this time with him instead of trying to stifle the urge to leave him to scream while I walked away? Yet despite how terrible the night was, every morning, as the sun rose spilling light across the pine boughs and into our bedroom, with Henry (and often Ada too) snuggled close to my chest, I felt as if I couldn’t possibly love someone more than I loved this little being. Now, with much support from my midwifery and physician friends, breastfeeding has greatly improved and although the nights still seem long and challenging, they are significantly more manageable.

Nursing with Ada who is ALWAYS nearby – especially when Henry cries

Before our departure to Southern Ontario, we hosted one last Sioux Lookout potluck. For those living in urban glory of multiple restaurants boasting different ethnic foods and eateries open past 6pm, going out to eat is an obvious source of entertainment and social interaction. In Sioux Lookout, however, dinning opportunities are VERY limited (think: greasy Chinese, canteen food at the curling club and fried chicken!). Instead, our social gatherings are always in the form of amazing potlucks and our farewell feast was no exception. We ate and drank while Henry was passed around, surrounded by amazing friends who have already fallen in love with our little guy. We will be sad to leave our amazing Sioux Lookout community for a few months!

Our first family outing to Cedar Bay in Sioux Lookout when Henry was almost 4 weeks old

Before Henry had even been born, Blake and I had loosely planned out my maternity leave – we were hoping to spend the first few weeks at home in Sioux Lookout, followed by six weeks in Southern Ontario to see our families and then the last two months in Revelstoke, BC. With the trailer and car packed, Blake, Henry, Ada and I set off for Thunder Bay, embarking on the first leg of our trip. Before this, the longest distance that Henry had ever travelled was the 5 km it took to get into town from our house!

Our 5-hour car ride to Thunder Bay was thankfully uneventful and after a few days of errands in the big city of Thunder Bay, Blake dropped Henry and I at the airport for our flight to Toronto. Henry, again, was a gem and slept the entire flight. I couldn’t have been more grateful! Our first flying experience went off without too much trouble thanks to helpful strangers who gave encouraging words and carried my luggage 🙂

The 6am Porter flight from  Thunder Bay to Toronto

On the ground in Toronto, we met my Mom and immediately started on our whirlwind of visits with friends and family. I am so excited to introduce Henry to our families!

-An Addendum!-

I have to say that I am lucky to parent with Blake – although he claims babies are not his ‘thing’, he is a fantastic father. Jiggling Henry to sleep and tossing him around are his specialties 🙂 He supports me in many ways through the tough moments when I’m a wreck. Whether it’s a gentle hand on my back when I’m nursing or feeding Henry a bottle of breastmilk while I sleep, I so deeply appreciate his help. I couldn’t imagine parenting alone.

Blake also adds a bit of comedic relief – his parenting style is a bit different than mine! Often I will walk by the kitchen and do a double take as Henry has been set down on the counter while Blake is playing nerf guns with our next door neighbours (Hunter – 6 and Brooks – 3). One time, I asked Blake to put pants on Henry and found him on the couch, perfectly content, in a pants straightjacket! Another time, Blake had just cut his hair and presented me with a baby in a wig 🙂

Henry sporting a big mop of (Blake’s) hair  🙂

Pants up to his chin!

Henry chilling on the couch with Blake

What a cutie – a three and a half weeks old

Photoshoot wearing the cutest knitted outfit made by Blake’s Grandmother for him when he was a baby

Wearing the booties I bought for him when I was in Inuvik – they’re made from sealskin and arctic hare

Relaxing at home

Hanging out with our neighbours – I’m filing Henry’s nails while Blake plays with Ada and the kids

After a blissful three weeks off of work, I am finally catching up on all of the things that I have been neglecting during the past months of finishing my residency in family medicine, studying and writing my licensing exams, moving across the country to start my first ‘real’ job as a family physician and starting this new chapter  in my life as a parent with Blake.

Now, as life has finally slowed down, I have truly had time to reflect on my pregnancy and our journey over the past months.

Little Henry’s feet 🙂

McPherson, NWT

On the road to McPherson from Inuvik

The community of McPherson, NWT

The nursing station

Hard at work

Henry as a yolk sac and fetal pole 🙂

In Inuvik!

Standing outside the residence at the Inuvik hospital where I lived for 4 months

The sealskin booties that I bought from an ER patient when I was about 13 weeks pregnant

After a delivery, with the hospital behind me, heading back to bed at 3am (during 24 hours of daylight!)

At my residency graduation in Kelowna, BC

With Ada on the couch in Sioux Lookout

At our friends’ wedding at 32 weeks pregnant

Fishing in Sioux Lookout

Trying out the carrier that my Mom bought us 🙂

Growing a big belly in Sioux Lookout