Life on Abram Lake

Thanksgiving. My favourite holiday. A time to reflect on your blessings and give thanks for the many wonderful things in your life. And of course, an opportunity to do this without feeling guilty.

Blog writing with a view

Thanksgiving potluck with our awesome community of friends!

Pumping in between patients with my dear friend and colleague Dr. Lianne Finn (who has a three month-old babe).

At the cottage

Patagonia twins 🙂

In the darkness, I sip my coffee. Ada, ever present, snuggles in at my side on the couch. It’s 5:30am and the view for my morning pumping sessions, where I catch up on emails, my blog, and generally savour an hour of silence, have slowly changed from bright, inviting sunrises to the slow fading of night into the gentle grey light of September dawn.

Summer is long gone and as I sort through photos of our days at the beach, in the boat and on the water, I am baffled at how quickly those sunny days have passed us. I must admit, we had a fabulous summer. From the end of July, until mid-September, we had back-to-back friends and family join us to enjoy our beautiful home on Abram Lake. Sharing our Sioux Lookout summer was such a fantastic way to re-discover how amazing it is to live on the water. I’m already looking forward to next year! My only regret is that, for the first time since Blake and I have gotten together, we didn’t get out for a canoe trip this year. I am truly saddened by this, but with a baby and a toddler, it would have been a struggle. I am hoping that next year, when Alice is just a bit older, we can re-start the annual tradition of camping out with our family.

Anyway, here are the photos of our jam-packed August and early September! So sorry that I’m so late with this one 🙂

Enjoying the sun with Keith, Karla and Sailor (with Blake and the boys sailing in the background)

The boys

Summer days

Can’t complain!

My sister Leah, her partner Carrie and my niece (Rosie) and nephew (Luc) came for an awesome 10-day adventure to the North. They took the train all the way from Toronto just to see us! We had such a great visit. Can’t wait for next year!

On our way to Ruby Island

Henry in the tree fort

Let the games begin! At the paper airplanes contest at the Wasaya hangar for Blueberry Festival.

Rosie gives it a go

Stormy clouds don’t stop us from still hanging out at the beach

Checking out our garden

Both Brooks and Henry have eaten loads of veggies from the garden this summer. Henry eats the peas right off of the vine. I never ever worry that he hasn’t eaten enough veggies 🙂

Beach soccer with Luc & Uncle Blake

A windy day at the beach with Meghan and Johnny

Getting ready to eat dinner – Rosie doesn’t look too stoked about it

Dad-Dad 🙂

Henry and Rosie. He LOVED Rosie so so much. She was great with him and very helpful with Alice too.

Rosie, Alice & Henry

Blueberry pancakes for breakfast!

Alice, Blake’s very happy sous-chef

Henry wanted to wear one of Alice’s bonnets 🙂

Cuddling with Auntie Leah after Henry’s nap

At the Sioux Lookout museum/train station

Swinging high with Auntie Meghan and Rosie at the Town Beach

A beautiful sunny day!

Hanging out at the Town Beach

Hahah – I didn’t get a better picture, but this was a disastrous attempt at going to the Blueberry Festival Sioux Lookout Legion’s steak fry with four kids. They were all grumpy and despite us getting there right at 6pm, there was not one seat in the house and no one offered up a spot for the kids who were cranky and hungry. We will NOT be attempting that event again next year!

Leah reading to Luc & Rosie before bed in the gazebo. We had renovated it before Leah and the kids had arrived and Rosie took it over as her own ‘club house’ 🙂

I went for an early Saturday morning run and came back to this scene – Auntie Leah and Uncle Blake with all of the kids on the couch 🙂

Rosie, Auntie Leah (with Alice), Luc, Henry and Blake

Meghan and I with Luc & Rosie at the Cedar Bay stables

Henry at my favourite Blueberry Festival event – the St. Andrew’s United Church fish fry!

Henry getting into his fish and beans 🙂

Our gang at the fish fry

Alice, baby Natalie (in the wrap) and my good friend Lianne

Relaxing on the lawn after eating our fish

I love community events!

Alice, with my colleague Dr. Dooley and his wife Yvette

Getting better at sitting up…!

The day we look forward to all year – float plane rides at the Blueberry Festival! Henry was so excited. He loves airplanes!

Waiting for our turn.

Henry sitting with Dad-Dad in the cockpit

Getting ready to fly the plane!

Alice’s first float plane ride

Rosie was very apprehensive about this but loved it in the end

Sioux Lookout – lakes and trees abound!

Back at the beach.

Henry’s daily beachwear

Alice and I in the shade

Thanks for my cute romper Nana!

Auntie Leah and Alice

My cutie and I at the beach

Alice is always great company!

Blake and the kids sorting out who gets to go first to go tubing

Off they go!

Playing with Blake’s homemade solar-powered water table

Sailor, Henry and Luc

Life is good on the water!

Alice, content as always, just hanging out

Getting ready to have an al fresco feast with Carrie, Leah, John, Meghan, Blake and I and all of the kids.

Alice chilling out while Henry serenades her. Trying to keep them occupied while we ate dinner!

Luc and Henry with Sally, the geriatric dog from next door

A perfect evening for a bowl of ice cream at the beach

Beautiful!

Outdoor craft time

Henry and Hunter – best buds

Haha Blake and Henry goofing around

Henry’s favourite indoor swing

Alice jolly jumping

Family pizza dinner!

Jailbird! He hasn’t quite made it all the way out yet…

Snuggling with his stuffies

This one is ALWAYS so happy waking up from her nap!

5 months – time is flying by

This. Every day.

Luc and Henry playing with the diggers at the beach

Lianne, baby Natalie (nursing), Leah, Carrie and Alice at the beach

Johnny with geriatric Sally

Blake and Josh coming in from an evening of fishing

Fish fry coming right up!!! Yay for second dinner 🙂

One morning, I was busy in the kitchen making lasagnas for dinner. Henry was running around the house and then went into his room. He was quiet for about 5 min which any Mom will know is HIGHLY suspicious. I yelled out from the kitchen, “Henry, what are you doing?!” and Henry replied, “Reading a book”. I thought for SURE he was lying, so I went to his room and saw this 🙂 He was sitting in his toy box actually reading a book!

Skinny dipping cousins

A quiet afternoon. Notice poor Blake who passed right out in his chair!

Henry and Rosie doing ‘yoga’ on the lawn

Dinnertime!

Waiting for the train on an early, rainy morning. Sad to see Leah, Carrie and the kids go home 😦

Henry at the Farmer’s Market – he ate probably two cucumbers and countless peas while I shopped. Thankfully, the vendors didn’t seem to mind his freeloading!

Alice reading in her chair 🙂

Henry wanting to revert back to babyhood!

Loving the swing!

Alice’s turn – with Henry and Blythe

Henry, wearing Blythe’s jacket, with Meghan

A GORGEOUS sunset!

Enjoying our amazing view

Our friends Kelsey and Dirk came to visit for a week, all the way from Calgary with their new addition, baby Julie!

Julie, Henry & Alice

Henry and his big zucchini

Ada taking care of the babies

Hunter taking Henry for a ride on the inflatable ‘jet ski’

Enjoying the water

Most our afternoons – on the lawn, drinking beer, watching the babies

Alice and Julie hanging out together

Dirk waterskiing on a beautiful evening

Blake’s turn. I also got to go out a few times. I hadn’t waterskiied in over 15 years! I did manage to get up on one ski and it came back to me pretty easily.

Matching!

Over the summer, my brother, John who is a nurse at the hospital got a temporary job at the prenatal clinic that I work in. It was great seeing him at work. Here we are on our last day of clinic together. Unfortunately, he was only covering vacation time so he’s now moved on to a different job 😦

Beach time!

Summit, Kelsey, Julie & Dirk

An amazing evening with a big moon overhead. This view seriously NEVER gets old.

Mornings with Henry while I drink my coffee

Blake out sailing with Kelsey, while Summit waits patiently in the boat for their return.

Julie and Alice playing in the shade

Gorgeous again!

Henry, Blythe and Alice at the beach having an after dinner swim before bed

Alice is so hilarious. She LOVES watching Henry, even though he generally terrorizes her. She always takes it in stride and hardly ever fusses when he tries to drown her every night by ‘washing her head’ (aka dumping water onto her face)!!!

Getting splashed. As usual. Poor baby!

John and Blake were featured in the local paper for their triathlon success!

Spending the afternoon with Auntie Bacon (it’s actually Megan, but Henry somehow calls her Bacon!)

Sailor’s one year birthday!

Sweet Alice

Standing up all by herself at 5.5 months

Cousin Ava and Uncle Darren came for a week-long visit in August. Ava was a great helper with Alice and loved to hold her and give her lots of cuddles.

Lounging in the sun

Sunset gazing

Selfies with Auntie Meghan, Brooks and Hunter

Hunter, Alice & Ava. Alice LOVES Hunter and laughs and laughs at the faces he pulls for her!

The kids endlessly playing on the paddleboards

Watching the kids swimming with an ever-smiling Alice

Blake, Darren and Ava heading out to go fishing

A day at the beach

Henry, Alice & Ada on the deck. Notice Henry was adamant that he eat his dinner sitting in Alice’s Bumbo chair, rather than his highchair!

Fish Fry with our neighbours!

These cuties 🙂

Auntie Megan (aka Auntie Bacon) and Henry enjoying the late afternoon sun

Dinner and playtime on the deck

Blake, Darren, Keith and the kids out fishing in front of a beautiful sunset

Henry zooming along, with Ava behind him on Thomas the train

Henry taking a break 🙂

A boy and his bike

Brooks and Henry in the garden. These two are HUGE veggies lovers and eat greens straight from the source every day.

Munching on a freshly picked cucumber

Henry giving the pumpkin some love

Beautiful Northwestern Ontario skies

This little beauty in the swing

Alice and her Uncle Johnny

The pre-bedtime meltdown

Alice and Uncle Darren

Uncle Johnny getting some ‘love’ from Ava and Brooks

After-dinner soccer with Hunter, Brooks and Ava

Sorting out teams for a game of capture the flag

Early-morning bed selfies 🙂

Henry ‘helping’ Dad-Dad in the garage

Ava, Sailor, Henry, Blake, Brooks, Darren and Alice

Henry with his fleece as he wakes up from a nap

Henry and I with his new bike seat. We had biked into town for the market and so Henry held onto his much loved cucumber the whole way home 🙂

LOVING the swing 🙂

Darren, Brooks and Hunter playing soccer on the lawn

Out for a bike-ride

Darren pushing Alice and Ava

Henry helping Blake drive

On the boat on our way to town for ice cream

Catching our ride to dinner! We had a float plane come pick us up at our place and fly us to a nearby Lodge for dinner!

It was Ava’s first time on a floatplane

Henry LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it!

He was fascinated by the lakes and trees and for the first part of the ride, was absolutely still with his face pressed against the window watching intently

Alice, like Henry, waking up with a smile with her fleece

Cousin love

Ava and Uncle Blake fishing

Caught one!

Summer-time boat fun!

After feeling a bit cooped up with the kids and work, I was desperate for one day of alone time this summer. I enlisted some girlfriends to go out for a day of paddling. Thankfully, I have wine-loving friends who are game for adventure. So, I left the kids for the day and we headed out for a day paddle at a nearby provincial park. Here is my friend Tal, all ready with her wine in her backpack. She had never been in a canoe before but was a true sport!

Off we go!

Beauty day

Meg and I

We found a perfect little spot to pull out some snacks and pour some wine!

Relaxing in the sun.

Cat, the fisherwoman

Of course, being away from Alice all day meant that I still had to pump!

The best!

Having some fun 🙂

Hahah!

Love these ladies

Tal and I on the paddle home

After Darren and Ava went home, we welcomed our good friends Gorin & Irena from Calgary who are expecting a little one of their own very shortly!

Alice and her Sophie, bathed in evening sun while we eat dinner on the deck

Happy baby!

Dining with a view

A quiet evening

A morning alone, just me and my coffee on our dock

Gorin, Alice & Blake enjoying the sunshine!

Henry helping Dad-Dad in the garage

Uncle Johnny and Henry reading 🙂

Henry is anxiously awaiting ski season – already! Wearing his ski helmet in preparation…

We hired a float plane for Gorin & Irena’s visit to take us on a mini tour of the lakes before heading to dinner!

Our little town!

Henry always wanting to be just like Dad

He also copies what I do to! Here he is helping me ‘clean up’.

I just love watching Henry play on his own. I snuck into his room to see him build this massive tower by himself 🙂

Eating ‘super beans’ (aka beans that are  a foot-long!) from the garden

Auntie Megan and ‘Baby Murphy’, her new puppy!

Love you Meg!

My sweet baby girl

How have 6 months passed already!?

A baby and her Grandpa

Starting solids 🙂

Henry and Grandma Joey in the garden. Henry (every day while inspecting the garden): “Look! Mama! Come here! Look! A big one! Oh my goodness!”

Henry playing with the Fisher Price house that Mom and Dad brought from Muskoka. We played with these ‘little people’ when we were small too. Henry loved it and made all the people sit in the chairs for ‘snack’, lie down in their beds, etc. It was super cute to watch him play.

Playing with Duplo

Alice and Grandpa Steve

A sunny beach day with Brooks and Hunter

Playing with the water table

Henry going for a canoe ride with Grandpa & Grandma

Grandma Joey playing with Henry and the many, many bath toys

Boys and their bikes

Cool kids 🙂 Sailor, Hunter and Henry having a tailgate party

Henry eating his carrots from the garden

Dad watching Blake windsurf from our beach

Alice meets blueberries and avocado!

Out on the lake for a canoe ride

It took ALL SUMMER for this to happen – I had been trying to get both kids into the canoe for weeks and weeks. We finally had a day where it wasn’t windy, both kids were awake and I had extra hands to help me paddle! Hurray!

Bedtime reading with Grandma Joey

At the market – Henry is overwhelmed by the many veggies!

Reading with Henry & Alice

Heading out on the boat!

Alice & Grandpa Steve

So many rolls!

Grandma Joey & Alice

Grandpa Steve & Henry 🙂

Group photo!

Our last breakfast. We were sad to see Mom & Dad go!

It was an amazing summer. We are truly blessed to live in this place!  This view will never, ever get old.

I pick up my pen and pause for another moment before grinding forward. A baby wails in the nursery and I glance up to see a young couple giving their newborn his first bath. One of our amazing maternity nurses stands with them, guiding them along with her confident but gentle touch. The teenage couple, in contrast, timidly handle the fussing babe, giggling with excitement, wonder and nervousness. The new dad, dressed in baggy jeans, a hoody and a ball cap works to button up the tiny sleeper, battling the flailing limbs of his son. He fumbles and struggles with the cumbersome snaps but as he finally finishes the last button, he looks at his partner who has been watching him closely over his shoulder. His face falls into a huge grin of relief and she laughs while reaching for the babe. I can’t help but smile too.

What a privilege it is to witness the joy and love that surrounds this brand-new little family. Of course, in this job we bear witness to much sadness too, but moments like these remind me why I jump out of bed multiple times a night, speeding to the hospital for deliveries. Why some days I only see Henry and Alice very briefly, or sometimes not at all. Why I pull out the breast pump in our clinic office multiple times a day, pumping while dictating and writing notes instead of snuggling and nursing Alice at home. Why I miss bedtime, playtime and the little moments of their lives. I do this job gladly despite theses sacrifices because I am honoured over and over to be able to share in the joyous moments, as well as the devastating ones of our patients’ lives. I hope that one day, both Alice and Henry will be able to understand this too.

Sorting out two days of milk pumped while at work

Back at Meno Ya Win Hospital!

My new lunch routine – pumping in the call room.

When you realize after you’ve pumped that the milk has spilt all down your dress…!

Besides heading back to work for the first time since Alice was born, July has been pretty uneventful, but in a lovely, relaxing kind of way. We have spent endless days at home on the beach, many afternoons in the backyard enjoying the shade and countless evenings on the deck drinking wine and watching the stunning sunsets that stretch across the sky and illuminate the lake. It has been wonderful to spend time together at home without needing to go anywhere for days. Fortunately, when you live on the water, friends and family come to you and so we have been blessed to have visitors to enjoy the sandy beach and warm waters of July. It is truly the best time of year to live in Sioux Lookout!

Morning cuddles

Hunter taking Henry out for his first paddle board ride of the summer

Henry and Auntie Meghan relaxing at the beach

Hunter taking Meghan and Henry for a ride 🙂

Out for a walk on a chilly morning

Henry doing what he loves most!

Snoozing with his fleece

Relaxing on the lawn

Evenings are my favourite 🙂

Breakfast at our house

Henry up to his usual antics

Alice, sitting in her Bumbo chair, just taking it all in

On Canada Day, we biked into town to our friends’ Lianne and Stu’s house for day-time, kid-friendly fireworks

Henry didn’t get very excited about it haha

Wahoo! Fireworks (that you couldn’t really see!)

Alice in her evening wear! All dressed up after dinner while Mom has a glass of wine with Auntie Karla next door

Mornings are hard on Blake haha

My beach beauty!

Finally some warm, sunny days

Afternoon at the beach

Most mornings look like this – Henry biking around while Alice hangs out on the grass, watching the world go by.

Henry and Blake out on the sailboat

Swimming off the raft. We have spent a number of awesome afternoons hanging out on Keith and Karla’s raft, cold beer in hand, while Brooks and Hunter swim and our kids nap. Yay for summer!

Henry going down the slide off the raft with Blake as a big summer storm rolls in

Four months already!!

Stop growing baby girl!

Blake built this bike ramp for the kids, but they initially would only run up and jump off of it. Eventually they worked up the courage to bike over it after Blake did multiple demos of his bike tricks 🙂

My chubby girl before her bath

Mornings in bed

My sweet girl

After Henry’s haricut

Heading out on the boat

At Ruby Island for the morning

Beach baby!

Blake and Henry at Ruby Island

Having a snack

A beautiful sunny summer morning in Northwestern Ontario!

Alice snoozing in her new crib

Paddle boarding at our beach

Henry and Blake paddle boarding

Lunchtime with the kiddos

Henry and Hunter – best buds, having a snack

The boys having smoothies

Alice (4 months) and Sailor (11 months)!

Brooks and Henry eating peas from the Brooks’ garden

Beach-side snack time

Waking up from her nap

These big blues!

Henry and Blake out in the sailboat

Yay for sailing!

A rare summer afternoon when both babies are napping and I get to put my feet up on the deck!

Alice in her new bathing suit from Nana and Poppa

With Sophie, everyone’s favourite teething toy

On a particularly early morning with Henry…

Henry was even still tired! He put himself back to bed curled up with Ada on the floor!

Reading with Alice and Henry

Bath time!

Alice with her favourite Uncle Johnny

Beers and babies on the deck

Enjoying the evening before Henry’s bedtime

Who needs shorts anyway?!

Beach bum – with Blake windsurfing in the background

Henry playing with Auntie Meghan

Henry and Meghan enjoying a beautiful sunny day at the beach

So Henry went to daycare for two days in July, then got sick for TWO WEEKS then Alice got sick for a WHOLE WEEK! Worth it?! Maybe not… Ugh daycare germs. Fortunately, Alice was a trooper. She never cried, never work up in the night, nothing. Despite her snotty nose and cough, she was still such a good baby. She just wasn’t very happy and barely smiled or laughed for days. It was terrible.

This is Alice waking up from her nap. So sad!

I love summer dinners on the deck

I am sure I have hundreds of sunset photos from our deck. Every night, I exclaim, “Look at the sunset! It’s the most beautiful sunset ever!”. But truthfully, every single night, it is gorgeous. We are so lucky.

Henry sporting his Revelstoke toque and showing off his biking injuries!

Blake went to the garage one morning and built Henry a water station out of a solar panel, a pump, hoses, a shower head and some valves. Henry calls it his ‘on, off’ because he loves to turn the different hoses on and off and spray water everywhere. Loves it! Thanks engineer Dad-Dad!

Alice was still sick as a dog but managed to hit the beach anyway with a smile!

At the end of July, we went over to Reiss Island for our neighbour, Keith’s fortieth birthday party. Henry was all dressed up and loved wearing his dock shoes.

With Dad-Dad

My cutie

Heading home that evening to drop Henry back at home with Blythe so that Blake and I could have a night out with friends on the island. It was an awesome night.

Alice still recovering from her cold 😦

Good morning! Note – ‘Blue Bike’ hanging out on Henry’s cup 🙂

“Go biking right now!”, says Henry every morning

Henry biking on the jump that Blake made him

The Abram Lake Rd biking gang (Blake, Brooks, Hunter & Henry)

Biking with Dad-Dad

On the beach!

The boys running and jumping off of the dock

Alice with Auntie Meghan and John enjoying the late afternoon light

Bath time, crazy time with Auntie Megan B

Ahhh summer evenings…

Beauty nights

Blake and Josh arriving home with their evening’s catch, while we ladies indulge in some vino on the beach

Henry and Blue Bike snuggling in the morning

Summer baby

So much sand!

Taking a break from biking one morning to eat some peas from the garden.

Henry loves to bounce Alice around in the Jolly Jumper. Thankfully, she loves it too!

Oh Henry!

John and Meghan taking Alice for a float

Mothering – at it’s finest! When it’s early in the morning, the toddler is jumping around all over you and the baby won’t nurse, it’s not a pretty scene! Hahah

Alice going for a dip

Trying to keep the ginger babies from burning is a full-time job

Henry doing some ‘yoga’ with me in the morning 🙂

Happy (drooling) beach baby!

These days. Every day.

The day that Henry decided to wear his firetruck jammies all day.

Alice and her beautiful quilt made by Grandma Joey

Biking to town

The Blueberry Festival has begun! Here we are at Blueberry Bert’s birthday party 🙂

Blueberry Bert himself. At first, Henry wasn’t too sure about Blueberry Bert, but over the course of the two-week festival, Henry grew to love the festival’s mascot and would give high-fives, hugs and kisses to Blueberry Bert’s picture on the festival flyer!

Henry was NOT a fan of the bouncy castle (“Too much! Too much!”)

Alice and Auntie!

Henry getting his face painted

At the town beach for Bert’s party

Alice got to meet him too!

Getting ready to bike home…

…stopping for lunch on the way. Henry’s first time sitting up at a restaurant without a highchair.

At the start line of the Sioux Lookout triathlon. Blake and my brother John had been training for weeks for the triathlon. Blake swam for a team and John was competing individually.

Cheering on the boys with Auntie

Blake & John getting ready to jump in

Blake and John swimming

Blake coming out of the water

John coming out of the water

Craig, Blake, John and Mike at the end of the race. Blake’s team was first amongst the teams and John won the individual competition. Actually, he won the whole triathlon even beating out Blake’s team!!

At the fire station for Blueberry Bert’s bike parade. Henry was in heaven with all of the kids and their bikes!

Henry even got to ride the firetruck through town with Auntie Meghan!

Morning smiles with this cutie

Back at home on a sunny afternoon. Blake and Henry playing around in the grass.

Alice, as always, is just content to hang out while I run around after her brother!

Henry on the beach

Looking for pinecones and rocks to throw for Ada

The month of June was mostly spent at home, patiently waiting for the lake to warm up, watching the garden grow and enjoying each day as it stretched a little longer. Every morning, I would get up at dawn and sip my coffee in the relative quiet of my kid-free hour before the chaos of the day ensued. With the breast pump droning on, I actually cherished this time as it was the only space in my day where I was alone to write in my journal, answer emails or just enjoy the light unfolding over the lake. Henry would usually stir by 6:30am, calling out, “Helloooooo! Mama?! Hi! Mamaaaaa!!!!! All done fleeeeeeece!”. He he would chat to himself, jump around in his crib, bang his feet against the wall and generally goof about until I finally felt fortified enough with coffee to go and get him 🙂

Since Alice has been sleeping so solidly until 9am, Henry and I have had our mornings together back. I love the first few hours of the day, just Henry and I. We often read or play in his room while I drink my coffee then eat breakfast together before Blake, and eventually Alice get up. Often during the day, Henry is out and about with Blake biking, running around, etc., so our mornings are precious quality time together.

Journaling with my coffee while Henry colours.

Reading with ‘White Bike’, Henry’s toy bike that he is inseparable with.

Our days have been filled with bike rides, sunny afternoons on the beach and mostly just hanging around the house playing. We are so lucky to have the beach which provides endless entertainment and reprieve on really hot days. We often don’t go very far as it’s so much work to load everyone in the car, and why travel when you live in paradise!!

Terrace, B.C.

Our one big trip at the end of June was to… you guessed it – B.C.! Where else!? We seem to spend most of our vacation time out West. This trip was to check out a town in Northern B.C. called Terrace as a potential future home for us. We spent a week there checking out the community, meeting others in the medical profession and generally sussing the place out. It was a great vacation and we came away from Terrace with a really positive feel for the community. We won’t be moving tomorrow, but if Blake and I want to stay married, I had better get him closer to some mountains and Terrace is a pretty fantastic fit for me and my career, not to mention a great place to the kids to continue to enjoy their outdoor hobbies (i.e. Henry’s obsession for skiing and biking).

Waiting in the Sioux Lookout airport with Johnny. We flew from Sioux Lookout to Winnipeg, Winnipeg to Vancouver, stayed overnight in Vancouver, then flew to Terrace the next day.

On the Bearskin flight

Alice on the Bearskin flight which had a stop-over in Red Lake.

Henry and Blake, and ‘White Bike’. Henry’s bike was the only toy that he had for almost two weeks. He never let go of it and never got bored of playing with it! He spent many hours on planes and on car rides doing jumps with the bike, inspecting the wheels, cranking the petals, etc. The kid is obsessed with biking!

Henry riding in style in the Calgary airport on our layover to Vancouver.

In the Vancouver airport waiting to fly to Terrace.

Going through Security at the airport. Traveling with the kids actually went really well. Alice mostly slept on all of the flights. while Henry was entertained on Blake’s lap by watching biking videos, eating Cheerios, running up and down the aisle, and watching out the window. The worst part of the whole journey was our overnight in Vancouver. We had a horrendous night trying to get both the kids to sleep after a late bedtime and a two-hour time change. Henry actually ended up sleeping with Blake and I, which we had never done before. He was so wired and was ready to start the day at 2am. Ugh! After much cajoling, he finally fell asleep between us but was all over the place in the bed! Needless to say, we didn’t get much sleep and after FINALLY getting both of them to sleep, I had to wake them up in the early morning to get ready to board our flight to Terrace! 😦

The lodge where Northern Health put us up for the week! It had a fantastic fine dining restaurant on the main floor so we were able to go down and enjoy a lovely meal after the kids were in bed while ‘Skyping’ with them on our phones 🙂

Our first day, we drove up the Nass Valley in search for the Lava Fields that were recommended as a destination. Unfortunately, we didn’t find them, but we did stop in this random tiny ‘town’ called Rosswood, where they happened to be having a pancake breakfast our of their log-cabin community centre! A win!

Eating pancakes

Saturday market in Terrace was a hit!

Henry going for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Henry declined to take his helmet off, obviously 🙂

Alice and I taking a rest in the shade at the park while Blake and Henry biked around.

Getting ready to go for a swim at Lakelse Lake.

Beautiful view!

Alice and I relaxing while the boys swim.

Taking a drive up to the local ski hill to check things out. Note the constant wearing of the helmet…!

At Shames Mountain – a far cry from the Dryden ski hill! It’s a community owned co-op which is about 30km out of town.

At Shames Mountain.

Henry biking around the ski hill’s parking lot.

Blake and Henry checking out the ski lift. Blake was pretty excited to see the skiing possibilities here. Apparently, there is a lot of amazing backcountry skiing that can be accessed from Shames.

The beautiful Skeena River runs right through Terrace. To Blake’s excitement, you can jump in a boat or fish right from shore in town. It’s pretty amazing to be able to catch fresh salmon without going out of town at all!

Fishing on the Skeena on a Saturday morning.

Henry checking out the fishermen/women.

Flower child 🙂

With Dad-Dad.

On one of our first days in Terrace, we went to the local bike shop to check things out. Henry immediately jumped on a run bike and started zooming about the store. The guys in the shop were so impressed that they lent us a brand-new strider bike for the whole week! It was so so generous of them and it made our week so much easier. Henry biked every single day and we never had to use our stroller as Henry preferred to bike. We also took Henry to Terrace’s community bike park. We weren’t sure how it would go since at home,  he only bikes on very gentle slopes.  Of course, he hopped on his bike and without hesitation, he started zooming about.  We were shocked at how well he did!

Blake and I were also fortunate to be able to go on an afternoon mountain bike ride just the two of us. One of the local doctor’s wives found awesome mountain bikes that we could borrow, lent us her car AND babysat both of our kids so that we could get out and enjoy the trails. We hadn’t gone biking in years together and it was so much fun. A definite highlight. The trails were beautiful and reminded us how much we missed mountain biking!

Before visiting Terrace, I had connected with another young Mom who was a family doc in town. She and her husband were lovely and had us over for dinner and took us on a family hike up Terrace Mountain. I wish I had taken a picture of all of us, as we were all carrying a baby/toddler!

At the top! It was a sweaty climb!

Snack time

Henry loves taking selfies 🙂

Having a rest in the shade at the lookout.

Henry hydrating before the hike down.

At the lodge, in the morning. Henry playing with his helicopter and my breast pump haha

Alice ‘milk drunk’. It never gets old!

Alice slept in the little tent near our bed, while Henry had his own room. It was an awesome apartment at the Lodge with full laundry and a massive kitchen. It was way more comfortable than an average hotel room that I had been expecting.

There was no tub, but we found this little one at a garage sale and put it in the shower which Henry loved!

On a rainy day trip to Prince Rupert. It was beautiful and sunny when we left Terrace but POURING on our arrival to Prince Rupert. We stopped at this little cafe in Cow Bay to grab coffee and feed Alice. It was awesome and had a little fenced in play area for kids. We met this family who was making the move from Juneau, Alaska to Washington, D.C. While we visited over coffee, we noticed a sign above a shelf that said, ‘Gum boots for rent. $5’. On the shelf were a few pairs of kids rainboots. ‘Awesome!’, we thought as we had forgotten Henry’s rain gear and his feet were soaked. After coffee, we grabbed a pair of hot pink boots from the shelf and popped them on Henrys’ feet. Then Blake proceeded to give the barista $5 for the rental. She looked at us like we were crazy! She finally realized what we were talking about and said that the boots were just a joke for decoration! No one had EVER actually tried to rent them in many, many years. Haha She told us just to borrow them, but to make sure to check them for spiders first 🙂 So away we went with Henry sporting his pink boots!

Checking out the boats

Watching the boats at the harbour

Family selfie! Poor Alice didn’t make it in!

At the museum of Northern British Columbia. Henry was so well behaved as we took our time to walk through and look at the exhibits. We had told him not to touch the displays which he took VERY seriously. There was a bus tour group of elderly folks at the museum at the same time as us and so Henry took it upon himself to remind all of the Seniors, multiple times over to ‘NO TOUCH’ as they were enjoying the exhibits! Hahaha, thankfully they thought it was cute 🙂

Alice and I enjoying the view of the harbour while Henry and Blake ran around the deck watching the huge ships come in.

Lunch at an amazing Japanese sushi restaurant. We also toured around the little shops and checked out the local brewery. Prince Rupert was surprisingly a really nice town! We had only ever driven through while catching the ferry out to Haida Gwaii. We will definitely be back and Blake is already talking about buying a big sailboat to explore the Coast.

After our stay in Terrace, we headed over to Vancouver island and west to Tofino for our dear friends’ Cat and Caleb’s wedding. We stayed in Tofino for four days in a beautiful condo right next to the wedding venue. It was a perfect location right on the harbour where Henry could watch the float planes take off and land, see the fishing boats come in and generally watch the non-stop action all from the window. We also spent lots of time at the beach where Henry loved to run about and play in the sand. The wedding also took place on the beach. Henry was a ‘flower child’ who basically threw most of his petals at Blake and dumped the rest out! The ceremony was beautiful and was followed by a great party with all of our friends. I had arranged for a babysitter to come be with Henry and Alice at our condo so that Blake and I could get out and enjoy a carefree night to ourselves. It was great!

Tofino

Flying out of Terrace back to Vancouver where we rented a car, then took the ferry over to Nanaimo. We spent a night in Nanimo with friends (Julia and Travis) who cooked us an amazing salmon dinner!

Haha Henry

Having a cuddle on the plane.

The play area on the ferry over to Nanaimo.

Phew! After a long car ride to Tofino (the kids were great all the way!), we stopped off first at a pub for a beer 🙂

Our amazing condo in Tofino.

The view from our deck.

The view from the upstairs loft bedroom. The grass-topped building in front was where the wedding reception was held, so it was perfect. I was thankful to be so close in case I had to run back and forth during the reception. Fortunately, both kids went down at their usual bedtime without any trouble and no one woke up so I enjoyed a whole night with Blake while the babysitter stayed with the kids.

Upstairs bedroom – the loft bedroom had a huge shower which was the size of a small room. We put Alice’s little tent in there an it was a perfect place for her to sleep 🙂

Checking out the beach.

Out for a walk with Megan

Exploring Long Beach

At Cat and Caleb’s beach wedding

Henry as a ‘flower child’ – a role which he took very seriously! Ha!

The Sioux Lookout crew in Tofino!

Alice all dressed up for the reception 🙂

Post-wedding drink at our condo before the reception.

At the reception! Hahah

The gorgeous view from the reception venue

Megan, Alice and Anne

The oyster bar

A perfect night for a party!

Love these ladies 🙂

The view from our condo the next morning

Post-wedding hangout on the beach the next day.

On the ferry, leaving Tofino and heading back to Vancouver.

We stayed overnight in Vancouver again, then woke up early to fly from Vancouver to Winnipeg, then onto Sioux Lookout. We realized that the best way to keep the kids safely contained at the airport was to leave them in their car seats until the last possible moment!

Snoozing at the airport

Finding our gate…

In Winnipeg – almost home!

Bye BC! Until next time!

Sitting by the window, I watch Blake as he sets off in the boat. The bow cuts through the glassy water as the engine putters. The long evening light pushes its way over the tree tops and scatters its purple hues over the placid lake. I watch him pull around the point and disappear. Silence, except for the crooning sparrows. It is a perfect summer evening and my heart feels full. As the last few days of my maternity leave melt away into sunscreen-covered faces and tiny sand-encrusted toes, I am keenly aware of the significance of this time in my life. I likely will never have four months of uninterrupted time with my children. Although I am incredibly saddened by this thought, I feel overwhelmingly satiated with happiness.

Of course, let’s not kid ourselves here, my four-month maternity leave has not been a walk in the park and trust me, there aren’t cartoon butterflies and hearts buzzing around my head all day and night, but there are evenings like this that unfold before me and truly make me stop and take stock of all of my blessings. I know that I have many.

I have a husband who is by far the best Dad I know. Blake is infinitely patient with Henry, more so than I am. My heart melts when I catch Blake telling Henry that he loves him and I know they have a special bond together that will continue to grow each day. Every morning, Blake takes Henry out biking, and unlike other caregivers in our unfortunate generation, he isn’t staring into a screen while our son bikes. Blake gets on his bike too, builds Henry jumps and endlessly encourages him as they zoom about. Blake feeds Henry, changes all of his diapers, bathes him, goofs around with him and snuggles on the couch when they watch the Jays. They are truly two peas in a pod.

Having children is hard on any relationship, let alone having children 16 months apart. The sleep deprivation, the crying, the mess. Your patience wears thin and often the partnership with your spouse bears the brunt of the abuse. I’ll be completely honest, there have been times over the past 20 months where I felt like I could actually murder Blake. Times where we couldn’t even be in the same room with each other. Our marriage is certainly far from perfect, but when I count my blessings, our partnership is definitely one of them. We have worked very hard on our relationship and I know that I would not have survived these past four months without Blake.

Blake and Henry, holding hands, exploring Ruby Island

Now, I know I am biased, but I’m pretty sure I have the most amazing kids 🙂 Henry is a riot and endlessly keeps us entertained. He hardly ever stops moving and is always on the go. The other night, I was nursing Alice and Blake had gotten Henry all ready for bed. We were all winding down for the evening except for Henry who was running all over the place, doing spins, jumps, etc. with his curls bouncing all over the place. He is pure joy. The best is when, out of the blue, Henry will decide to give out some hugs and kisses. He ‘hugs’ by gently touching his head to yours and ‘kisses’ by saying, ‘Muah!’ while pressing a slobbery, open mouth to your face. I love watching him giving Ada hugs and kisses as he chases her around the house – it’s hard to kiss a moving target! Henry also shares his love by giving high-fives and fist ‘pounds’ which he loves to do to Baby Alice. It kills me every time that he grabs her chubby little hand and ‘pounds it’ with her! So cute!

Alice, by contrast, has turned into a very, very chill and happy baby. She is content to sit in her chair and watch the world go by. She greets me each morning with the biggest smile that lights up her entire face. She is a mover too and is quite strong. She’s been rolling since 5 weeks old! Alice, however, is a sensitive soul and often will cry if she hears Henry wailing (the opposite is not true!). She doesn’t like loud noises and her adorable face will crumple if she is startled by Henry’s antics. That being said, she is one tough cookie and takes lots of ‘tough love’ from Henry!

Finally, as I count the blessings in our home, I can’t leave out our devoted pup, Ada. I swore our dog would never become neglected after kids, but poor Ada often is the scapegoat of my frustrations and doesn’t nearly get as many walks as pre-kids. Don’t worry though, her life is pretty awesome and she spends hours a day playing in the water and running around the yard. She is never far from my side, especially when the kids are around. We also knew that she would be a fantastic family dog and she hasn’t disappointed. Henry pulls her fur, her ears, her tail, sits on her and generally annoys her. She has never been aggressive and often takes much ‘abuse’ without a peep.

Henry and Ada at the beach

As I close this blog entry, I want to hold onto this feeling of happiness and love for when I come home from 12hour days, the house is a mess and I’m tired and stressed. I want to always feel thankful for all of my blessings including the many still to come!

The Paradox of Parenting

Hurry up, but slow down –

The month of May has flown by and I can hardly believe that we are well into June. The days have lengthened, the lake has warmed and the seedlings have poked their heads above the dark earth of our new raised vegetable gardens. There have been many days over the past few weeks that have made me wish I could fall into a blackhole and sleep for an eternity, but of course, I have so loved being at home with my darlings. No matter how horrendous the day or nights is, I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to present to enjoy Alice and Henry as they grow and change every day.

I opened the door to drop off Henry at daycare and he had helped himself to his book and was casually reading

All dressed up to go out for lunch with Auntie Cat

May 5th – finally a warm day!

Alice and I making dinner

Thanks Nana for my cute outfit!

2 months old!

Snack time

Henry’s preferred posture while being pushed in his car 🙂

Happy Mother’s Day Mom! Hahha – she looks so confused!

Not sure if this picture is any better lol! Look at that double chin!

Our first boat ride of the season to mark Mother’s Day was our official start of summer. Henry, of course loved it, helping Blake drive, while Alice slept, lulled by the sound of the motor and the rocking of the waves.

My cute babies!

Unfortunately, shortly after Mother’s Day, Blake was called away to Thunder Bay for work. He had been away for an entire seven days the week previous, but had had some trouble with one of his houses and had to return, leaving me alone again with the two kiddos. Worse still, when he finally returned home after four days away, Blake came down with the flu and literally was in bed for an entire week.

So for essentially three weeks, I was a single parent. It was a challenge with many, MANY tears shed (at any given point, there was on average two people crying and one of them was usually me), but thankfully Meghan and John, as well as our awesome babysitter, Blythe all pitched in to give me a hand. I seriously have a new appreciation for single parents. I really don’t know how people do it!

Alice is getting so big! 2 months old!

Henry reading to himself

I caught Henry playing with “Dad-Dad’s juice”

Toddlers. Ugh. They are so so busy! The hardest part by FAR of single parenting a 2-month old and an 18-month old is trying to keep your toddler happy, safe and occupied while you nurse, change, soothe the baby. There were SO many times when Blake was away that I would sit down to nurse Alice and in the span of 5 minutes, Henry would dump out the dog food, pull the dishwasher apart, put his hands in the toilet bowl… etc. etc. !

Alice and Henry’s relationship is so sweet to watch as it grows. Henry will often say, “I love you Baby” and coo to Alice saying, “a-goo baby!” and “smile Baby!”. Unfortunately, his love also is expressed as very aggressive hits and ‘bonks’ where he touches his forehead to Alice’s. Honestly, it’s a full time job just from trying to keep Henry from killing her sometimes!

Henry and That Guy! So, Henry received this superman figurine as a gift and ever since, he has carried him around all day. Henry doesn’t have a clue who Superman is so, appropriately, he named the figurine, That Guy. Henry takes That Guy into the bath, onto his highchair for meals, in his hand as he runs around the house… He’s never too far away! Lately, he has even been giving That Guy kisses, tucking him in for naps and singing him songs So sweet 🙂

Henry’s choice expression for a selfie!

Out for a walk!

The best view in the world. Sleeping baby and the lake.

Oh hello there Alice!

Henry playing with That Guy in his room

Playing with his cars

Bathtime!

Babies, babies, babies!

This is what bedtime looks like when you’re parenting alone 🙂 Alice spent a lot of time in the swing when Blake was away!

Henry ‘helping me’ with Alice – putting her soother back into her mouth

At the community baby shower

Sometimes, when I was at my wits end when Blake was away, I’d strap them both into the Chariot. give Henry a bunch of Cheeiros and just walk, ignoring the crying as best I could. Sometimes, all you can do is try your best.

One afternoon, I was loading Alice up in the stroller and I turned around and Henry had got himself into Blake’s utility cart!

5am sunrises – After nursing Alice at 5am, I would often get up and pump to ensure that I had a good stock of breastmilk for my return to work. I wasn’t ecstatic to be awake that early, but I was rewarded with gorgeous sunrises over the lake.

Auntie Megan hanging out with Alice

Mealtime without another pair of adult hands looks like this!

After Blake got back onto his feet, Alice and I left the boys for a week of visiting in Toronto. Neither of our families had met Alice yet and I was pretty excited to show her off 🙂 Alice was a dream on the five-hour car ride to the Thunder Bay airport and slept pretty much the entire way to Toronto. She was so good while we were in the City, despite the 30degree, humid weather. We had lovely visits with our family before coming home to the boys. Surprisingly, the house was still standing and Henry was all in one piece 😉

Playing with Mom at her condo in Toronto

Visiting Nana in Dundas

Meeting Grandpa for the first time!

Four generations!

I love this photo so much – my Nana and Alice, 96 years apart by one day!

Alice meeting her Nana

Alice’s first time on the subway 🙂

Out for Sri Lankan food in Cabbagetown

Sunday brunch with the whole family!

Meeting Auntie Leah and her cousins Rosie and Luc

In Guelph with Leah’s kids

Luc expertly holding Alice 🙂

Rosie and Alice out for dinner at a local pub

My mom took Alice for a few hours so that I could go out with my girlfriend Emily! So, we treated ourselves with frozen yoghurt 🙂

Mom and Alice

Alice snoozing away on the flight home

What a happy girl! She was SO SO good all day and pretty much slept for the entire car journey from Thunder Bay back to Sioux Lookout.

Since being home, our days have passed lazily. It is so much fun to be home with Blake, Henry and Alice. We have fallen into the pattern of rising slowly, then heading outside with Henry to spend the morning biking, playing on the beach or on the yard. After lunch, the babies nap while I cook, clean or sometimes relax in the sun. Then it’s more playing outside before dinner, then bed for both Alice and Henry at 7pm. We have been sticking close to home since everything we need is right here. Chatting with our neighbours today, we wondered how parents cope in the city. It’s just so easy to open the door and Henry is endlessly entertained within the 100m perimeter of our home.

Morning time at the Van Winckle residence.

Ada – endlessly watching and waiting for squirrels

Blake taking Henry for a ride in the cart

Alice and I enjoying a quiet afternoon

On of Henry’s favourite pass-times – riding on Thomas!

Henry at the first market of the year! I took this picture because Blake was making fun of me for dressing him in this outfit!

Morning playtime

Alice and I on the deck in the afternoon while Henry naps

Loving being outside!!!

Sailor coming over for a visit while Karla and I have coffee on the deck

Neighbourly BBQ at Keith and Karlas! Look at all of these sweet kiddos 🙂

Outdoor BBQ’s are the best

Reading to Ada

Getting so big!! (2.5months old)

Aw kisses!

Kisses are almost always followed by a ‘bonk’ 🙂

When you’re trying to nurse the baby and the toddler is trying to ‘help’…!

Just taking a break from biking

Despite what you think from this photo, Alice really DOES like having her picture taken! haha

These cheeks! These arm rolls! That smile!

A typical afternoon activity for Henry, pretending to drive the boat, and of course, while wearing his helmet.

Henry loves to flip his bike over and inspect his wheels

Yup. This is what happens at bedtime when I’m on my own and trying to bathe two babies. Henry is usually trying to escape, or ‘help’ me bathe Alice which involves pouring water on her, splashing her or trying to roll her off of her bath sling! Eghad! It’s a nightmare but also so so fun and thankfully, Alice is super tolerant of Henry’s shenanigans!

Playing at the beach

I love this photo. It truly captures our everyday – Henry playing, Blake always doing something with the boat and Alice, very patiently sitting in her chair being constantly relocated as we follow Henry around!

Beach baby!

I know, I know – my fashion sense is non-existent! Look at this outfit! Hahah, he’s going to kill me when he’s older 🙂

I put Alice to bed around 7pm, but then she woke up shortly thereafter so we sat on the beach and had some quiet time, watching the sun go down. I then put her to bed again and she slept until 6am! I was ecstatic!

Mom! I didn’t want to sleep! I wanted to hang out with you!

Playing in the yard as usual

Henry fishing with Dad, in his PJs of course

Henry, after he fell off his bike into a ditch-full of water! No tears, just Henry exclaiming, “Uh, oh water!”

Good morning!

I was buckling Alice up in her carseat, when I looked up and saw Henry sporting ear muffs and heading for the door with a tank of propane!? Uh…what?! How do toddlers do this!?

Hanging out on the deck while Mom and Karla have a glass of well-deserved wine!

Our neighbour had a huge digger come by to help put his dock into the water. Henry thought that he had died and gone to heaven! He was so excited!

Attempting a picture with my babies. It’s not easy to get them to both sit still!!!

Also note Blake on Henry’s bike 🙂

Sitting pretty!

Also looking very confused and concerned

Watching biking before bed

Henry contemplating the hill in front of him

Happy birthday Meghan!

Morning…

Henry trying to wear Dad’s ear muffs ahhahaah

First time for Alice in the Jolly Jumper

Henry! Hahah

Alice and Lianne at Lianne’s baby shower. So excited to meet her new little one 🙂

My chubby baby in the bath – her favourite!

Reading on the potty…

Henry was insistent that I “hop-on Mama blue bike!”

Bike obsessed much?!

Henry reverting back to his baby days?!

3 months old already!

Henry taking over Alice’s bassinet 🙂

First time having chocolate milk!

After many, many attempts, Alice now finally will take a bottle. Hurray! Now I am feeling much more at ease about leaving Alice with Blake when I go back to work.

Henry cuddling up with his favourite babysitter, Blythe

Last week, I hosted a Mom’s playgroup end-of-the-year party at our beach. It was a lovely morning.

Henry and Simon splashing around

Always with his helmet on!

My cuties

Boys playing in the woods

Auntie Meghan and Alice

Good morning!

Heading out on the boat for a morning cruise

Happy baby!

Naked beach time is the best!

Reading!

Henry and Alice spending quality time together 🙂

Alice looking pretty interested in my lunch

Happy summer afternoons

Our babysitter took this one after our first date night since Alice was born – a historic occasion!

This week both kids have slept for three hours in the afternoon AT THE SAME TIME! So this is what I got to do 🙂

Happy summer!

As these warm days pass, the weight of the realization that this time in my life will never happen again has begun to hang heavily, especially since I will be back to work part-time next month. As I write this, sitting on the deck, watching the late evening sun over the late, I cannot be more thankful for everything in my life. My kids, my husband, my friends, my family, my home.

Here’s to happy summer days!

Just brush it off and “hop on”.

Around 9 months old, after eating a smoothie!

His daily outfit – bike helmet and life jacket. He’s ready for anything!

Wake up singing.

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

There is nothing that parents the world over covet more. It occupies our daily thoughts and dominates our conversations. 

If you ever listen in on parents chatting, it always goes something like this: 

“Aw, you’re little girl is so sweet! How old is she?” 

“Eight weeks.”

“Beautiful. She’s lovely. Is she sleeping through the night yet?”

“Uhhhh. No.” (Do you see my face? Does this face look like she is sleeping through the night!?!?!) 

“Well, you should sleep train her!” 

Ah! The dreaded topic of sleep training. 

Thirty years ago, sleep training, along with things like sleep sacks and bumbo chairs just simply did not exist. At least not in the way that it does today with books, online forums and sleep consultants that will actually come to your house (for a small fortune) and spend the night with your baby! 

Of course parents have been ‘sleep training’ their babies for decades, but likely it was born out of pure practicality. I’m sure most of us were made to ‘cry-it-out’ to some extent because when you have multiple children and an endless to-do list, that’s just what you have to do to survive.

Today, in our internet-based society, no longer do moms turn to their moms, sisters or aunties for help and advice. They turn to Google, leading to hours of ‘research’ on parenting forums, blogs and online discussion groups making the task of navigating the muddy waters of raising children that much murkier.

Before becoming a parent, I had no clue about infants and sleep. You may remember how I struggled with Henry, confused by the conflicting advice and opinions that I read online and in parenting help books. This time around with Alice, I thought, I am going to get this sleep thing right from the get-go and sail through the dreaded ‘100 days of hell’.

Ha! What a naive thought! Alice, of course had other plans. 

Trying not to use ‘sleep props’, like a soother, swaddling or nursing/rocking to sleep, I cruised through the blissful first week week of Alice’s life, congratulating myself on our success. This honeymoon period of infancy where babies sleep through anything and fall asleep at the drop of a dime is made to make parents feel that having a baby ‘really isn’t so bad’ and lead to statements like, “I don’t really know what people are complaining about, having a baby is easy!” (Blake!). 

THIS IS NOT REALITY! DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP!

The morning after Alice was born

A week old

So then, it hits you, crashing through the blissful quiet. The wailing, screaming and crying. Henry definitely cried as a baby, but Alice definitely takes the cake on this one! For the first few weeks, Alice’s only states of being were sleeping, feeding and crying. It seemed rare that she would be awake and happy. I quickly dropped my lofty goal of getting her to sleep without help from me and entered into survival mode. I tried everything. I gave her a soother, I bought a special swaddle sleep sack, I blasted white noise, I rocked her, I nursed her, I drove her around in the car, I ran with her in the Chariot, I swung her in a swing…  Nothing seemed to work.

I felt like I was losing my mind. We struggled through those weeks. Oh, how we struggled.

Alice would cry for hours in the evenings, then would be up every 2 hours at night to feed.  It wasn’t uncommon for me to spend up to two hours trying to get her back to sleep leading to a nightly average of about 4 hours of sleep broken up throughout the night. I remember saying to my girlfriends loved seeing 4am on the clock because that meant that there was only two more hours of hell left.

It was beyond exhausting and I felt like I just could NOT get a break. Just Alice and I, battling it out together in the spare room, night after night. You would think that I would be used to chronic sleep deprivation after the gruelling hours of medical school then residency, but let me tell you, I would rather repeat all of my medical training before going through the newborn phase again and that is saying a lot!

Then, magically, around eight weeks, Alice started stretching out the time between feeds so that she was waking at 10pm, 2am then 5am. A few times, she even slept 6 hours straight. On those nights, I felt that I had slept for an eternity! Unfortunately, though since she was reliant on the soother, we slipped into soother torture where she would wake every 40min, realize that her soother had fallen out and cry. I began sleeping with one hand in the bassinet, blindly replacing it in her mouth repeatedly throughout the night. At one point, in my sleep-deprived state, I realized that I had been trying to put her soother into her eye for quite some time while wondering why she wasn’t settling down!

Things had to change.

At three months old, we began our sleep training.

Because we had done the same with Henry at three months, I knew we could teach Alice to soothe herself to sleep without a soother or being nursed/rocked, etc., yet I had so much anxiety and self-doubt about whether or not I would be permanently harming her psyche. I debated and debated. In the end, my need for consolidated sleep and my return to our own bedroom won out.

On June 1st, fortified with the industrial ear muffs, I gave Alice her bath, snuggled her into her jammies, then after a quick song, I put her in the bassinet and steeled myself for the crying. It was so much easier this time around. Only after 20minutes of fussing, Alice conked out.

Night #1 she slept from 9pm until 7:45am without a peep. Halleluia!

We moved my mattress out of the spare room (where Alice and I had been sleeping) and transitioned Alice into the crib as she was already too big for the bassinet. Despite these changes, Alice’s success continued and now, a week later, Alice is reliably sleeping from about 8pm until 7:30am and will only fuss for about 3 minutes after being placed into her crib.

It is not an over-exaggeration when I say I feel like a new person! 🙂

Now, after both kids are in bed, Blake and I can enjoy each other’s company, have friends over or have a drink on the deck without a peep from either of the babies. It is truly amazing. The best part, though is that Alice is such a happy baby. She wakes from her naps with smiles and her awake time is spent cooing, smiling and laughing.

These days, I am enjoying parenting and being at home so much. Now, my looming start back to work scheduled for July (part-time only) seems that much more unappealing. More reason to truly soak up these sunny days with my two amazing kidlets!

There are so many cliches about motherhood, but one that rings true is that you never really appreciate your own mother until you become one.

At then end of the day, when you still haven’t showered, the house is a mess and the baby has been stuck to your breast for hours, you wonder how you’ll ever survive another day. And yet you do because you are a Mom. For all of you with children, you will understand what I mean, and for those who don’t, you owe your Mom big time. Just trust me on this one.

I’ve said it so many times before, but parenting is some bizarre dichotomy of torture and joy all rolled into one. It is, as my friend Lianne put it, relentless. The endless laundry, the destruction of your home and your previous identity, the body that is no longer your own, the lost concept of privacy, the wrinkles, the fatigue and the yearning for silence. When the toddler is whining, the baby is wailing and the dog is barking, you feel as if you are going insane.

Yet, these moments are butted up against flashes of pure joy that rejuvinate and carry you forward. That, and coffee. Lots of coffee.

So, on this Mother’s Day, don’t give your Mom a dustbuster, just say thank you and truly mean it when you do. You will never be able to thank her enough for what she has done for you.

As an aside, maybe it’s the lack of sleep or maybe it’s because this touches home, I stumbled across this video that truly captures the sentiment of Mother’s Day. Moms, I know it’s cheesy, but have your Kleenex ready.
http://www.storyofthislife.com/videos-2//a-tribute-to-mothers-dayspring-inc-ad

Anyway, I am sure that all of you Moms out there have baby books that are up-to-date but sadly, mine are empty. Instead, I use this blog to be the keeper of my memories and since I feel I am too sleep deprived to force my brain to compose anything eloquent, I am reduced to writing in bullet form! Here are some lists 🙂

Things that I LOVE about my kids:
– Henry’s hugs and kisses, especially when he drapes his arms around my neck and gives open-mouth, slobber kisses
– Henry’s laugh when I tickle him
– seeing Alice’s face light up in a smile when we ‘chat’
– Seeing Henry do the things he loves (biking, skiing, etc.)
– Listening to Henry sing himself to sleep (Baby Beluga, Old MacDonald, Happy Birthday) and chat to himself about Ada, Dad Dad, Hunter, etc.
– Seeing Henry take a huge tumble, then get up without crying while rubbing his head and saying ‘ouch’!
– Watching Henry and Blake snuggle on the couch and hearing Blake say ‘I love you’ to Henry
– Watching Alice smile while she’s asleep or when she’s nursing

Things that I miss:
– Going to the bathroom alone
– Having a shower for as long as I want to
– Just picking up and leaving then house to do something whenever I want
– Eating breakfast in silence while watching the lake
– Having coffee in bed with Blake, just the two of us
– Exercising whenever I want
– Being by myself
– Sleeping for a whole night

Well, that’s all for now! Time to brew another pot of Java!

Happy Mother’s Day xoxoxo

Making dinner with Alice

Alice snoozing at the gym while I worked out

Henry getting his haircut

At Cedar Bay

Henry being Henry on our walk at Cedar Bay

With Auntie Meghan at Cedar Bay

My view for our endless nursing sessions

What a fashonista – off to daycare!

Breakfast with these two!

Henry endlessly biking

Trying to get Blake to smile – it’s impossible!

Henry cuddling up in Ada’s bed

When you wake up from a nap and you’re still tired 🙂

Off to the beach!

Playing with Karla on the beach

Beach fun!

The ice is almost gone…

Henry and Hunter going for a cruise

Still biking…

Alice loving her bath

Alice getting some snuggles from a colleague at an ultrasound course that I attended

At our Northern Practice Retreat

Snoozing through the meetings…

In the evenings when Blake is away, it is generally chaos! This is me trying to nurse Alice, while Henry jumps on her and climbs all over the couch haha

Pretty stoked about Uncle Keith’s lawn tractor

Henry is so obsessed with biking that he wears his helmet 24/7. Even inside. Here are my cuties having a cuddle.

Love these two!

Alice is getting HUGE!

At 7am – helmet on already!

Time is flying!

My buhda baby

Alice and our amazing babysitter Blythe

Afternoon snuggles when I ignore the laundry and the cleaning!

So strong!

My dear baby girl,

Today, we looked into each other’s eyes. You cooed and smiled and my heart melted.

It’s not that I didn’t love you before now, but like any relationship, it has taken awhile to get to know you. To connect with you. They say that you fall head over heels with your baby as soon as you meet. But, my darling girl, it wasn’t that way with us. I love you, but it has been hard.

These past weeks have been challenging. Frustrating. Enraging. Discouraging. Exhausting.

But now, we have made it. Here. On the other side where, at 5am when we wake, the sun rises lazily over the glassy lake. Here, where you sleep more than 2 hours at night. Here, where the days are warm. And here, where you finally can be settled with my breast, with a song, and with a snuggle.

Gone are the hours of relentless crying where I would swaddle you and you’d scream. I would unswaddle you and you’d scream. I would offer you a soother and you’d scream, and continue to scream if you spit it out. I would try to nurse you and you’d scream, rock you and you’d scream. You were frustrated and mad. Truly angry. I felt helpless and frustrated too. I felt incompetent as a mother. After hours of your crying, I would just lie down beside you, place my hand on your belly and cry too.

Those nights were hard. I didn’t know you or know what you needed. I felt resentful towards you and sad that I was missing out on being with Henry. I felt guilty for not feeling happy to be your Mom. And most of all, I felt tired. So, so tired.

But now, my love, not only do you smile, but you smile at ME. You look at my face and your eyes light up. Your chubby face folds into the most adorable grin. You coo at me and I coo back. We chat like this with your face close to mine. I kiss your soft cheeks and tickle your belly.

Now, my darling, not only do I love you, but I enjoy you.

I am so lucky to be your Mama.