Life on Abram Lake

With a glass of wine by my side, I gaze out over the water. The view across Abram lake and it’s rugged, undeveloped shoreline never gets old. The evening sun slowly creeps toward the treetops, casting a sparkling path of light across the fine ripples of pale blue. A red-tail hawk flies over my head silently.  Closing my eyes, I hear the wind rustling in the birch tree near by. A chickadee’s call competes with Brooks’ and Hunter’s chatter as it drifts up from the beach. I am alone on my deck. A rare moment. I try to savour it, capture it, save it up to counter the usual daily controlled chaos.

A trip to the library back in early May

He love, love, loves to stand on his own 🙂

For my first Mother’s Day as a brand new momma, Blake splurged and bought me….

… a vacuum.

It was a Dyson and I was overjoyed about it 😉

In all honesty, he had bought it previously to aid in my endless quest to clear the half-ton of sand brought up from the beach on dogs’ and children’s feet from our house each night, and it had just happened to arrive on Mother’s Day.

My true Mother’s Day gift had arrived in the pre-dawn hours, earlier that day.

In the charcoal light, I had been jolted awake by Henry’s cry. Over the past few days, he had been going through a phase of waking frequently in the night, often with a desperate cry. As always, my eyes flew open and my mind had lurched itself awake. As I flung the covers off and swung my legs out of bed, Blake’s hand reached for my arm. “I’ll get him”, he mumbled. I hesitated. Nighttime duty was usually mine, not for any lack of effort on Blake’s part, but mostly because half the time, he didn’t even wake up to Henry’s protests.

Reluctantly, I conceded and got back under the covers as Blake donned my terrycloth bathrobe and headed for the kitchen to bottle up before attempting to soothe Henry back to sleep. I lay awake in the dark. It was 3:30am and I listened quietly to Blake’s soft chatter to Henry.

Unfortunately, after two bottles, two attempts at settling him and an hour later, Henry was still belting out his best cries.

“Sorry babe”, Blake apologized, handing me the bottle as I padded out of our bedroom.

Once in the nursery, Henry’s screams amplifed. In the disorenting dark, I felt with my hands for his body in the crib and brought him into my arms. His stiff body, taught with anger, froze, then melted against my chest. His snotty, tear-soaked cheek rested against mine as I held him, slowly and wordlessly rocking side-to-side. In the silence, a tiny breath of air escaped from his lips and his contented murmur drifted across the silent, dark room.

In that moment, I held my breath and squeezed my eyes tightly, willing myself to emblazon this moment into my consciousness. To hold it in my memory for years to come – when he inevitably breaks or loses something precious, leaves socks strewn about, crashes the family car or morphs into a sullen teen that yells “I HATE YOU!”.

But for now, he is my precious sweet-cheeked baby boy, clinging to his mother.

I wiped his face carefully and laid his sleeping, chubby body in his crib. I couldn’t have asked for a greater Mother’s Day gift.

at 2 days old

When our 4 year-old neighbour, Brooks, decides it’s warm enough to run around bare-bottomed, you know beach season has begun! This past week, we have enjoyed some fabulous weather. After doing a few days of obstetrical call,  Blake headed off to Thunder Bay for the rest of the week to work on his properties while Ada, Henry and I held down the fort. We have had a wonderful week with friends enjoying the sun, the beach and the outdoors. We have had our first beach party pot-luck, multiple bike rides to the corner store for ice cream and the kids have even braved the water for a skinny dip even with the ice still in! Henry had his first beach day and dipped his feet in the sand, which he loved. He then immediately tried to eat two handfuls of sand… I’m sure this will be a never ending battle for the next few months 🙂

At the Sioux Lookout Public Library

This was two weeks ago, just a week before his six month birthday, he started doing ‘planks’ in desperation to try to get moving forward!

Saying goodbye to the last of the snow

After party. My crib. Two am. Seriously, this guy is a party animal 🙂 As I was putting laundry away nearby, he pulled himself up to standing from sitting in his crib! Time to lower the mattress!

This is what happens when your husband is in charge and you’re at work

And this too.

I walked in the door one day after a long day at work, and all of the boys are over making dinner!

Brooks and Hunter getting ready for their sleepover at our place. They insisted on sleeping with Blake, but they both ended up in our room, with Blake and I in the spare room 🙂

What cutie pies! 6am wake up for Brooks, Hunter & Henry!

Henry loves yoga!

He just played on the mat and laughed at Cat and I 🙂

Yogaglo + baby + Ada = an interesting but not quite relaxing yoga session!

Headstand!

First taste of strawberries… success!

Avocado and oranges… Still thinking about it!

Fruit, yogurt & peanut butter smoothie… YES!

A family bike ride with Brooks & Hunter in the trailer

Picnic lunch in the sun with Karla, Keith and the boys

Such a nice day!

Biking with Henry to the corner store to get ice cream

Yum!

At Cedar Bay for an afternoon stroll

I ventured out with Brooks, Hunter, Henry and Ada on my own to bike to the store! Surprisingly, there were no tears nor casualties 🙂

Sweet little boys!

Having coffee with Auntie Meg at Roy Lane

Taking the kids to see the horses at Cedar Bay

Loving his carrot which eventually ended up being fed to the horses 🙂

So many chins buddy!

Desperate to get to Ada

Best buds

Almost crawling!

Hoping he’ll like rugby as much as his Mama did! Sporting the All Blacks jersey from New Zealand, sent by Graham and Lou!

Blake was away this week, so look who took over his spot on the bed 🙂

Such a sweetie

Stoked about the hand-me-down exersaucer

Relaxing in the hammock with Auntie Cat – Mom, don’t worry, we put a hat on him right away 🙂

First beach day!

Picnic on the deck

First neighbourhood beach party

You’re only a true northern kid when you swim or stand-up-paddleboard when there is still ice in the water…

Love the beach!

BBQ/potluck night!

All the kids going for a ride in lawn tractor!

Yay for summer!

When I entered medical school with the intent of becoming a family physician in underserviced communities of the North, I never, ever thought I would end up in a bathroom stall in the remote fly-in First Nation of Fort Hope, perched on a toilet while pumping breastmilk into two styrofoam coffee cups.

Yes, that actually happened, and yes, it’s a bit of a long story!

Having been raised in a socially-conscious household, learning of the innumerable injustices in First Nations history in our country struck me in a complex and inexplicable way. During my pre-med degree at Queen’s Univserity, I managed to sneak in a few Indigenous Studies courses, joined the Queen’s Native Students’ Association and became a project coordinator with Queen’s Medical Outreach – a non-profit that focused on providing health education in developing countries abroad, and in isolated communities in northern Ontario and Canada. During these experiences, I was privileged with many stories from First Nations people about the trauma of the 60’s swoop, tuberculosis sanatoriums and, of course, residential schools. These accounts enraged and saddened me greatly. Combined with a heavy helping of white guilt, I vowed to provide service in some capacity to attempt to (in some small way) narrow the enormous gaps in health status between mainstream Canadians and First Nations people.

Fast forward through my four years of medical school and two years of family medicine residency during which my focus remained on Indigenous Health. After placements in Sioux Lookout, On, Haida Gwaii, BC and Inuvik, NWT, I felt confident in my goal to continue working with First Nations communities. After a debate between signing on in Inuvik vs. Sioux Lookout, Blake and I chose Ontario and in July, I began my first ‘real job’ working for the Sioux Lookout First Nations Health Authority.  I felt as if I had finally reached where I was meant to be. Then, along came Henry.

Traveling to remote, fly-in reserves on my own had been a challenging, but very rewarding part of my job. Leaving our home once a month to run clinics up North was just another aspect of my practice. With Henry’s arrival, I knew that I wanted to try to continue my northern trips. Blake, thank goodness was quite supportive and with Henry at almost six months, we were scheduled to fly to Neskantaga First Nation (Lansdowne House) for a week in April.

With our bags packed, including a large tupperware bin full of diapers, wipes and frozen meals for the week, Henry and I arrived bright and early to the Sioux Lookout airport. The plan was that we were to meet Blake in Thunder Bay and then fly as a family to Neskantaga. The first hiccup in our journey came when our departure time came and went with no sign of a plane. Apparently weather was holding our aircraft in Winnipeg and if we didn’t get to Thunder Bay soon, we’d miss our connecting flight North. With Henry napping in the carrier, we finally were boarded onto a 12-seater Bearskin Airlines flight and flew off to Thunder Bay. ‘No problem’, I thought, ‘this is all going to work out!’

A Bearskin plane, similar to the one we took to Thunder Bay

On our flight to Thunder Bay

Blake, however, greeted us in the airport with some grim news. There was a big snowstorm in northern Ontario and the airport in Neskatanga was closed due to the fact that the runway was covered and snow and the man who was supposed to plough it was nowhere to be found. We spent the day grounded in Thunder Bay, thankfully managing to bunk down for the night in one of Blake’s properties. The next morning, optimistic that we would get somewhere, we packed back up and arrived again, bight and early to the Thunder Bay airport. Again, bad news awaited.

This time, the airline assured us that they had found the gentleman to plough the runway, but only I could fit on the airplane. Knowing that I had already canceled my Monday clinic, I didn’t want to bump any more patients, so reluctantly, I left Blake and Henry with the plan that they would join me later on an afternoon flight. So away I went, boarding an even smaller plane heading North.

Thinking my day couldn’t really go worse, after a bumpy landing through driving snow in the community of Eabametoong, the carhart-clad pilot turned to me and said, ‘The runway in Neskatanga has three-foot high snowdrifts and there is no one to clear it. It’s unsafe to land’. My heart sank as he informed me that I would have to wait until later that afternoon to possibly get on a flight back to Thunder Bay! With no cell service, and my luggage packed in the cargo area of the corregated steel airport ‘terminal’, I was unsure how I would spend the next 5+hours. As if reading my mind, the pilot added, ‘There is an Inn just across the way. They have great pie!’ and so away I trudged through the snow to the portable building that was the community restaurant and inn. After some lunch and coffee, I realized that although I had managed to grab my pump, I had forgotten the bottles!! Laughing to myself, I headed to the bathroom with coffee cups in hand. They would have to do for now! 

The Inn

Hours later, I stood with my eyes glued to the sky, the tiny aircraft navigated the snowy conditions and landed with impossible grace. My hopes rose. Maybe, just maybe I would get back to Thunder Bay to be reunited with Blake and Henry! The tiny one-room airport had begun to fill up with passengers bound for South. Women with babies bundled up in their tikanagans, a woman on crutches, an Elder in a wheelchair… We all waited as the two pilots unloaded the cargo onto a cart and hauled it through the snow. Pizza Pizza boxes, laundry soap in a plastic bag, Tim Horton’s donuts, bins of food and toys from Dollarama were handed back to awaiting passengers. Soon, we were hustling through the wind and snow, ducking under the wing to board the tiny plane. Speeding down the snowy runway, we fishtailed back and forth until we were airborne. I rested my head back and closed my eyes, willing myself not to be sick all the while clutching the coffee cup of breastmilk. Precious cargo. What a day!

Back in Thunder Bay, Blake and Henry met me with the rest of our luggage and more bad news. One of the grounds crew of our airline, a middle-aged man sporting a Montreal Canadiens ball cap under a hunting toque, told us that there was no way we’d be getting to Neskatanga. Unfortunately, the man who was suppposed to be ploughing the runway was actually still out goose hunting and now they were so backed up with passengers, we wouldn’t be making it North anytime soon. Deflated, we loaded the car and started the long journey home. 

On the six-hour drive back to Sioux Lookout

But, this being the North, delays and hiccups are to be expected and next week, we are attempting to take the journey again. This time, I am hoping will be more successful! Wish us luck!

The Henrys snoozing away

Just five months shy of his 100th birthday, my grandpa, and Henry’s namesake has passed away. When you sit down and try to capture a lifespan of 100 years, it seems impossible to pin down the memories and stories onto a page. I feel strongly, though to attempt in some way to do so so that when Henry is grown, I can pass them along to him.

When I think of Grandpa, I want to forever remember him siting on his square-backed white whicker chair, gin and tonic in hand enjoying the gentle late-afternoon sun on the cottage porch. I want to remember his canvas shoes, his knee-high socks and his short-sleeved collared shirts tucked into his cotton shorts. He will forever be in my memory making trips back and forth from the ‘Henry Sprague Pub’, serving drinks during Happy Hour, ice clinking against the sides of the green and yellow plastic cups teetering on the round metal serving tray.

My idyllic childhood summers spent at the family cottage on Lake Joseph in Muskoka were filled with sunny days swimming, sailing, playing in the sand, and running barefooted and carefree around the property of the ‘Pointing Pines’. Reflecting back on our summers in Muskoka, our time at the cottage would not have been the same without Grandpa spotting us 50cents to play Ramoli, sitting on the dock with his binoculars watching us sail up and down the lake or serving us Muskoka Dry ginger ale on ice during Happy Hour.

My grandparents with my sister, Leah, her daughter Rosalie and my Dad at the cottage

As a young child, I remember being slightly intimidated by my Grandpa and his dinner-time interrogation on gender of French nouns (‘Beurre’, is it masculine or feminine?’) and whether I had eaten every morcel on my dinner plate. After dinner, we’d often watch ‘Mr Bean’ or ‘Faulty Towers’ with Grandpa siting in the stately green chair that reclined by setting a wrought iron rod at various levels on the back of his chair. On calm evenings, after finishing our meal, we’d race down to the boathouse to take the Launch out for a spin. The mahogany boat was Grandpa’s pride. He would always berate us if we ever left the boathouse door open spilling bright sunlight onto the precious wooden boat. Grandpa would sit in middle seat of the boat while us children squabbled over who would get to drive with my Dad. We’d cruise up and down the Muskoka waters as the sun set behind the pines.

Sunset at the cottage

Although I never witnessed it, Grandpa loved to waterski. As a child, my father recounts being sent off a homemade ski jump, constructed by my Grandpa, while being pulled (sometimes along with his two brothers) behind the Launch. I actually learnt how to waterski behind a ten horse-power tin boat on skis that my Grandpa made out of wood and tires.

What I will miss the most about my Grandpa are his hilarious antics. He was quite the performer and entertainer. He always loved being the centre of attention as he told his stories (Carte Blanche —> “Take Blanche home!”) or opened presents. He loved creating drama that would send us kids into fits of giggles as he pulled faces and charades that would carry on and on.

Happy birthday Grandpa!

Posing for the camera 🙂

Always being goofy to get us to laugh

Christmas 2006 – Grandpa got a new wallet filled with Canadian Tire money, he was feeling rich and generous and handed out $10 bills to my sister, my brother and I! haha

Ever the storyteller, my Grandpa would often recount stories of his World War II days as a pilot in the airforce. My most treasured picture of him is a black and white photo of him standing handsomely in full uniform beside his spitfire, with my grandmother’s name, ‘Harriet’ painted in flowing letters on the graceful plane. I wish we had recorded his wartime stories and his recollections of being shot down over France and being imprisoned in a German POW camp in Poland for four years. His tales of his time in the camp were captivating. I will never forget his account of how he, and his prison mates secretly dug a tunnel out of the camp, using the boards from their beds to frame the passageway. Grandpa told me one of his jobs was to be a ‘Penguin’, waddling in the prison yard while scattering the dirt from the tunnel slowly from a special contraption in his pants. Luckily, when it was time to escape, my Grandpa fortunately drew a high number and never had the chance to attempt to exit using the tunnel. Seventy-six men escaped on March 24th, 1944. Unfortunately, only three his prison mates who attempted actually made it and survived. Of course, the Hollywood version of his story was made into the 1963 movie entitled ‘The Great Escape’, starring Steve McQueen.

My Grandpa will be missed immensely but I hope that his memory and his stories will live on and be passed along to Henry as he grows up.

Christmas dinner in Dundas with my brother, my mom, my Nan, my Dad, my sister and my Grandpa

At the Sioux Lookout Library

Whew! 4 weeks of work have just flown by. Sitting on the couch, post-call, with coffee in hand, I feel like I am just surfacing for a big breath that I have been desperately waiting for. I am happily off this week to be, sans-pager, just a Mom again!

It has been a month of adjustment for all three of us, well four if you include Ada 🙂 We are now settled back into our beautiful home and have been enjoying fabulous spring weather on Abram Lake. The ice on the lake doesn’t seem to be budging, although the snow is gradually retreating, inch-by-inch.

A sunny afternoon walk on the ice

Kicksledding on Pelican Lake – Henry, Ada, Blake and I

Out for a snowshoe on Abram Lake

A bright sunny day on Abram Lake

Blake, the stay at home Dad, has been really enjoying the sunny, warm weather. Last week, he brought out one of his new toys – an ice boat that he bought last year. If you’re like me and are scratching your head, wondering what an ice boat is, it is essentially a small metal sailboat on metal runners. A perfect play toy for Blake who loves to sail and windsurf. Now he can keep sailing on the ice too! He and our good friend Caleb rigged the boat up and have been spending hours on the ice having a fantastic time jibing around the lake to the surprise and confusion of on-looking ice fishermen.

Blake and the ice boat

Our friend Caleb

For me, my transition back to work was, in many ways, a challenging one. It felt like one day I was standing on the edge of the pool, nervous to take the leap in and the next I was frantically swimming to keep above water. The most difficult part was forcing my brain to emerg from my post-baby fog, into the rapidly-paced world of medicine.

Early morning smiles

Thankfully, the health authority that I work for has allowed me to return to work part-time, however, anyone in medicine knows that there is no ‘part-time’ really in our job! I am definitely working less than before Henry was born, but clinics, shifts in the ER, on the maternity ward and during the nighttime providing physician support by phone to all of the fly-in nursing stations in the North have accumulated into 40hrs+ a week. Leaving the house before Henry awakes and arriving home just in time to put him to bed has been difficult to say the least.

An early morning post-call snuggle in my ‘on-call’ bed

Long hours aside, it has been interesting to me to see how being a mother has changed my perspective and my practice. These observations have been subtle, but seeing the many sick babies and small children through the ER and clinic have pulled on my heartstrings in ways that I had never expected before.

Besties, just hanging out.

Back at home, Henry, Blake and Ada have being doing fantastically in my absence. These days, in the mornings, Henry and I get up early, have a snuggle in bed followed by breakfast together (i.e. I pump while feeding him a bottle and while eating cereal). Then, I pass him off to Blake and head out the door to work. Blake and Henry settle into their morning routine of coffee (for Blake) and more milk (for Henry) on the couch before Henry goes down for his morning nap. Their days are then filled with… well, let me just quote Blake here:

Celia – ‘Blake, what do you and Henry do while I’m at work?’

Blake – ‘Well, usually he shits himself, then I change him, then I feed him, then he sleeps, then he jumps around in the Jolly Jumper, and then I throw him on the bed a couple of times, or we go next door or go for a walk… I don’t know, we just hang out!’

Although it hurts my ego to say this, they are getting along just perfectly without me!

Henry helping Blake in the garage

Henry’s new party trick!

Tired out Dad & Ada, asleep on the couch after Henry’s in bed

Being a Dad is hard! Blake feeding Henry while also taking care of the boys next-door (Brooks – 4, Hunter – 6)

Over the past two weeks, Henry has really taken a leap in his motor development. At his 5-month birthday, he began to sit unassisted (although still has a bit of trouble with balance!) and has been rolling and pivoting all over the place while on his belly. He’s getting so close to crawling. He has mastered moving backwards and this week he has figured out how to drag himself along the floor towards a toy with a lot of effort! It’s so fun to watch his personality develop. He is a determined and opinionated little guy, but also so easy-going. He is usually content to just hang out for stretches of time in his Bumbo chair, in the Jolly Jumper, on the couch or on the floor on a blanket as long as you’re nearby and chatting or singing with him. He loves watching the world around him and has lots to say about what he sees. His eyes open wide and he waves his arms and wriggles his legs whenever something excites him – like seeing Ada, a funny noise, a song, etc. Hilariously, he ‘discovered’ his penis last night after his bath. He was quite pleased about that one and was laughing and smiling!

In the sleep department, we had a rocky transition during our first few weeks at home, due to a big change in time zones,  a new room and being put into the crib, but Henry has settled back into his old routine.  Thankfully  the sleep training has still held on and he will usually sleep from 7pm-6am, although he still wakes up once in awhile around 3am. This has been a true blessing for me, as I have been doing lots of night shifts and knowing that he is sound asleep and isn’t needing Blake nor I throughout the night is a big relief. We will see how long this lasts though as he still doesn’t have any teeth and has managed to not get sick despite the germs I’m bringing home from the hospital.

Henry fast asleep outside in the Chariot. I read that it is common practice in Iceland to leave babies outside in strollers to nap. So, if Henry falls asleep on our walk and is still snoozing when we get back, I just leave him to ZZZZZZZ outside (only if it isn’t too cold!)

Lack of teeth aside, this week, we set him up in his chair and gave him his first real solids. So far he has tried apples, oranges, noodles, carrots, celery, peanut butter and banana. It has been hilarious watching his expressions when experiencing new tastes and textures. I have a feeling Ada will really like this next phase of Henry scattering little bits of food all over the floor!

First solids!

On the social front, in true Sioux Lookout form, since being home, Henry has been out and about to various pot-lucks and get togethers. He is incredibly easy going and always surprises me at how at ease he is in the arms of his many adoring followers 🙂 At home, it is a joy to spend time with him. Like every parent out there, I melt whenever he giggles – usually laughing at being tickled by me, thrown in the air by Blake, or licked by Ada. I have tried numerous times to video these adorable moments, but as most special moments are, they are spoiled when the camera comes out.

Easter isn’t complete without making nests 🙂

Easter egg hunt outside – Brooks and Blake going after their loot!

At our neighbours for a neighbourhood Easter brunch

Hunter counting his eggs

Henry and Keith at brunch next door

Family Easter portrait (plus Brooks who ADORES Blake and never lets him leave his sight!)

‘Boys in the Bay’ – all the boys on the couch at Easter dinner

Easter dinner – Yum!

Soooo much drool!

Enjoying a sunny afternoon walk with our dear friend Lianne

Selfie!

Henry is really into people’s faces these days! He loves to poke you in the mouth and nose 🙂

Having fun with our friend Kirsten

Next week, Blake, Henry and I are will be heading on another new adventure! As a family doc here in Sioux Lookout, part of my job requires me to do week-long clinics in fly-in First Nation communities. Since I couldn’t bear leaving Henry and Blake for a whole week, instead, we are all going together to Lansdowne House or Neskantaga First Nation. If things go well, we will be going there monthly… Henry better get an air miles card since he will be a well traveled little baby!

Much love, and so sorry for the long hiatus in posts!

The new table that Blake and my Dad made over Christmas

Reading his morning storybook

Helping me cook dinner

These days, reading is more about chewing on the book…

Loving life in the sun!

Being a baby is exhausting!

Going after anything and everything on the counter

Out for our first Spring run post-knee surgery

Don’t worry Mom, I’ve got this feeding thing covered

Opening an Easter gift from my Mom

Months ago, when my dear friend, dietician and breastfeeding/formula feeding/mom extrordinaire, Kelly recommended that I purchase a breast-pump bustier I had laughed at the thought. We had been commiserating over various mom-related topics over a rare glass of wine in Revelstoke while the men looked after the boys. At the time, a common topic of commiseration was pumping.  I had been frantically trying to build up a supply of extra milk for Henry to prepare for my scheduled knee surgery and pumping had definitely become a chore. Nonetheless, Kelly swore that a bustier would improve my pumping life and so shortly after, I found myself on amazon.ca ordering a ‘Simple Wishes Hands-Free Breastpump Bra’.

The advertisement for this garment flaunted a young women happily pumping away while putting on her make-up, lounging on the couch watching TV, multi-tasking in her kitchen and working away at her office. Simple Wishes ladies – all you need to improve your life is to be able to pump hands-free!

And yes, pumping IS as sexy as this woman makes it out to be! Ha!

I remember distinctly chuckling at the photos, thinking I would never look like the woman in the ad. How ridiculous!

Fast forward to the 26th day of Henry’s nursing strike. It is 7am. I am standing in the kitchen wearing dress pants and my blush-pink breastpump bra. With my left hand, I feed Henry from a bottle while he sits in his Bumbo chair and with my right hand, I scarf down my granola, looking longingly at my untouched, cold coffee. My breastpump drones on in the background, securely fastened on it’s unfashionable beltclip.

Next, I scurry into the bathroom as the pump continues on to hastily do my hair, slap on a bit of make-up before I run out the door to my fully-booked clinic. Later that afternoon, when I get home from work, I sit at my desk with my laptop writing consults and finishing up my clinic notes. Close by, the pump drones on. Finally, after Henry has gone to bed, I jump into bed to watch a show with Blake on the computer. I try to stifle my constant companion with my pillow, but despite my efforts, the pumps drones on.

I have become the woman in the ad.

Anxious to give Henry the best nutrition possible despite his continous refusal to breastfeed, the pump and I have become quite intimate. Hitching myself up to this crazy contraption of tubes, bottles and straps multiple times a day has been challenging on many levels.

Aside from the physical dislike of pumping, it has been interesting to observe my own reactions to Henry’s nursing strike. My emotions have ranged from sorrow and loss, to frustration and raw anger. In the beginning, I had thought that Henry’s out-of-the-blue shift from breast to bottle would be a short-lived ‘phase’. I happily pumped away, anxious to keep up my supply. I also kept attempting to nurse Henry at every feed. But as the days turned into weeks, my poor heart couldn’t take his utter refusal to breastfeed. Being rejected multiple times a day truly broke my heart. Logically, I understood this change not to be personal, but after struggling to get a good latch and enduring excruciating pain during Henry’s first weeks of life to establish breastfeeding, I felt betrayed and hurt. I tried and tried to persevere, but trust me, you cannot force a baby to nurse.

Henry and his barnyard of friends (minus the little duck that Ada has claimed for her own!)

And so by week 3, I had abandoned any attempts to breastfeed altogether. At about this time, another big leap occured. My return to work.

With Henry at four and a half months, I started back at my job as a family doc in Sioux Lookout working ‘part-time’.  I was incredibly anxious about this shift in my role as a primary caregiver, to the role of primary breadwinner. Leaving Henry with Blake wasn’t the difficult part – I knew they would get along fantastically without me, but it was my own sadness over the realization that I was no more essential to Henry’s existence. It was a great mental and emotional shift.

Happily though, I do love my job. On my first day, my clinic manager welcomed me back with an adorable pair of mukluks for Henry, and multiple patients remembered me and asked about my baby. Despite, the medical and social complexity of our patient population, I felt fortunate and honoured to have my stethoscope around my neck once more.

Now, after over a month back at work, Henry’s nursing strike has stretched into a permanent shift. In the first few weeks back in Sioux Lookout, Henry would still nurse only in the early mornings. These feeds, despite their pre-dawn hours, were a sacred to me. It was so lovely to have Henry cuddled up in bed with Blake and I. These moments are now gone too, as Henry is far to alert to bother with the breast. And so, I pump on.

Many happy expressions!

In the two months that I have been exclusively pumping, I have come to terms with having the crazy pump attached to me for 2-3 hours of my day. I have pumped while doing laundry, making dinner, cleaning, visiting with friends, driving in the car, and at work.

Blake, of course, hasn’t missed an opportunity to try to add humor to the situation (which often isn’t well received by me!). The other day, he informed that I looked like a “nerdy cow”, referring to my very attractive belt strap that allows me to be mobile while pumping!

All joking aside, in many ways, I feel extremely fortunate to still be able to provide Henry with breastmilk, but not a day goes by where I think to myself, just what if this pump just happened to break down… 🙂

A bare bum basking in the sunlight 🙂

My Sorel boots crunch through the crust as I plod along the snowmobile track. I push my hair away from my eyes in an act of futility while the cool wind whips across the expanse of Abram Lake. It is dusk and the long light that trails sundown evokes a calm on the wintery scene. Henry slumbers lightly, rosy-cheeked and pouty-lipped, cuddled close to my chest in the baby carrier. The horizon of characteristic boreal forest stretches out in front of us – tall pines contrasting the white of the snow. A small twelve-seater plane buzzes above in the distance.

Out of the quiet, I hear muffled yelling on the shoreline a hundred meters away. I turn to see our neighbour, sock-footed on his deck, arms waving as if to guide the Bearskin flight above to safe landing. “Welcome home!”, he exclaims before giving one last wave and ducking back into the warmth.

I grin. Home. We are home.

Walking on the ice on Abram Lake

In the chariot for a walk

Ada helping Brooks & Hunter (our neighbours) fish

Chillin’ with Karla

The boys enjoying a bright sunny day on the lake

Happy to be reunited with Brooks, Hunter & Karla

Henry! How have you grown so much! The hat that Cat knitted him is so tight!

Three time changes, a hotel, an overnight with friends in Calgary, a flight and a long car ride and we are back in Sioux Lookout. From Revelstoke, to Banff, to Calgary, to Winnipeg, we have hopscotched across the country once again.

Gypsy travels. This Honda and trailer have made it across the country so many times!

Our past two weeks in Revelstoke were of mixed emotions. The warm weather had plagued the ski hill and had virtually ended Blake’s mountain ski adventures. We had filled our days with an overnight trip to Nelson, visits with local friends and swims in the resort pool. On our way out of town, the trailer packed to the brim with baby and ski gear, Blake wistfully said to me, “I feel like I am leaving a fancy restaurant hungry, and the McDonalds is closed”. He then promptly began discussing our trip West for next ski season 🙂

Jolly Jumping

Love these two so much!

Licked by Summit – our friends’ dog!

Feats of strength!

Looking pretty posh for a night out on the town in Revelstoke

With our friend Gorin in Revy

Cuteness overload! Henry with Ever during our visit with friends Quinn & Zoe in Salmon Arm.

Taking the ferry over to Nakusp and then on to Nelson

Never too young to learn how to drive with Dad, right?!

On the ferry

Eating lunch while people-watching in downtown Nelson

Caving at the Ainsworth Hot Springs

Loves the water!

For me, the mourning of the end of our time in Revelstoke wasn’t so much about the skiing, but more about the fact that soon, I would have to turn on my pager and dig out my stethoscope. Yet another big transition, one that Henry will fare much than I in getting through. Even now as I write this, I feel a sinking feeling deep inside knowing that come Monday, my sole focus will no longer be caring for my adorable, chubby child.

Morning playtime

Adding to my sorrow was the fact that for the past two weeks, Henry has gone on a nursing strike. I thought perhaps it would be a phase, but he consistently arches his back, braces his arms against my chest, turns his head and yells in defiance every time I try to breastfeed him. I now mourn the end of this part of our relationship as I strap on the pump and wash endless bottles and pump parts. It’s as if he somehow knows that I will no longer be completely available to him. And so I mourn the loss of my tiny baby and adapt to this independent, insatiable little man who would prefer to take in the world around him rather than stare at my chest.

Back when he used to nurse, with Ada always by our side

Back at home, we have (mostly) unpacked and begun to settle in. Henry has now graduated to his big crib and has been so good throughout the move. Although it has been a bit rocky on the sleep front, I marvel at how well he has done over the past week with the long car rides, sleeping in hotels and generally being hauled around the country. I know I shouldn’t spend too much time blowing my horn about Henry, but seriously he has been so easy going throughout all of this change. He even slept the whole entire flight from Calgary to Winnipeg (although that was AFTER he had a MASSIVE poop explosion during takeoff! The poor 20-something beside me, I’m sure, was trying not to gag while Henry, his blanket and myself were covered in poop. It felt like EONS before the seatbelt sign was switched off and Henry and I could bee-line it to the bathroom!).

So into toes these days!

In the sweater that my very talented sister, Leah knit for him

Ok enough pictures already!

I can’t thank all of you who have taken the time to follow our adventures during my maternity leave. Your love and support, from East to West, has really been fantastic. I will definitely be doing my best to keep the blog going as I return to ‘real life’.

Thanks again for reading!

Curled on my side, enveloped in the luxury of my down duvet, I feel a a small nudge against my feet. Silently, Ada jumps onto the bed and nestles tightly against my legs, filling the c-shaped space created by the back of my knees. As the pre-dawn gray light faintly illuminates the bedroom, my attention is pulled towards the wriggling bundle of warmth snuggled against my chest. With his feet pressed against my bent legs, Henry nurses while periodically reaching out with his palm to touch my chin, my neck and my chest. From front and back, I am sandwiched between two equally cuddly and loveable beings. I gaze out our bedroom window and watch as the morning sun slowly reveals the face of the mountains, inch by inch. Our world is silent save for Blake’s deep breaths nearby and Henry’s suckling. This must be the definition of happiness.

Morning view from our bedroom window

6am is so much easier when you have this face to wake up to!

Family bed!

Morning snuggles

With only two weeks left of my maternity leave, I am acutely aware of how precious quiet moments like these are. Each day with Henry is a joy, especially since he has been consistently sleeping 10-12 hours straight a night! I definitely feel more functional and more human. I can’t even remember the last time I cried and my memory is slowly returning 🙂

Over the last four weeks, we have been blessed with endless visits from friends and beautiful sunny, spring-like weather. Although Blake has been pretty disappointed with the lack of snow, I have secretly been happy with each consecutive bluebird day. With temperatures consistently above zero combined with cloudless, sunny skies, Henry, Ada and I have been slowly returning to our usual outdoor adventures. As my knee has healed, I have been gradually doing more and more, working diligently with one of the local physiotherapists. I am now back to the gym, cycling daily and have been cleared to return to the trails snowshoeing! It has been fantastic to get outside again and to move around with more confidence.

We never get tired of our view!

Welcoming the sunshine!

About a week after Cat & Meg’s holiday, our friends D’Arcy and Colin paid us a visit from Vancouver. After 15 years of friendship, Colin is one of my oldest camp friends from my days at Camp Hollyburn in Muskoka. Although we are no longer producing wildly hilarious plays from C&C Productions Inc., planning camp-wide events, spending days off at the Bracebridge Dollarama and generally being goofy, whenever I am around Colin, I still laugh like I am fifteen again. It was a pleasure to have Colin, D’Arcy and their dog Blackberry for their mountain vacation.

Colin & I at Camp Hollyburn

After a canoe-trip!

Camp besties circa 1999?

Our week with Colin and D’Arcy kick-started the beautiful weather here in Revy and the boys gave up their skis for drinks on the patio, walks about town and a night out at the local curling club.

Spring skiing in February?

The boys on our patio

The boys doing a shot-ski

Having an apres-ski beer on the patio

Patio beer!

I can’t believe this if February!

Mom & Baby workouts 🙂

Loving it!

D’Arcy, Henry & Blake strolling through town

Relaxing in the carseat while we have lunch at one of the local pubs

Fantastic dinners made by chef Blake

Wine? Don’t mind if I do!

D’Arcy, Colin & I

D’Arcy & Henry watching curling – just a typical Friday night!

Swedes vs Canada

Colin & I on a walk along the Columbia River

Being connected to Revelstoke locals definitely has many perks. One of which was a tip on the secluded location of a natural hot spring outside of the tiny town of Nakusp. During D’Arcy and Colin’s visit, we decided to take a day trip out of town.

To get to the hot springs, we packed up the car and drove to the Shelter Bay Ferry which we took across beautiful Columbia River. From there, after a few false starts down rough, muddy logging roads, we finally found the unmarked trailhead for the hot springs. Following along a small creek, we then hiked about 45-minutes through towering cedar and hemlock trees to the natural hot springs. It was a tiny slice of paradise! Along with a few other bathers, we spent the early afternoon soaking in the hot tubs of water staring up at a canopy of conifers. As the pools were completely undeveloped, the logistics of changing and nursing Henry definitely required some creativity and teamwork but was well worth the challenge. Henry loved the warm water and didn’t fuss throughout the whole day of adventuring. I hope this speaks to his future love for the outdoors!

Henry’s first ferry ride!

Hiking into the hot springs

Snoozing away

We made it!

Soaking in the pool

So relaxed

I love BC forests!

The Columbia River on the ferry back to Revelstoke

So beautiful!

Following Colin & D’Arcy’s visit, we had a few days on our own before our next visitors arrived. Henry and I kept ourselves busy by venturing up to the peak of the ski hill via the gondola to meet Blake for coffee, snowshoeing on Mount Mackenzie and taking trips to the community and resort pools. Henry is really becoming a little fish and actually likes to be dunked underwater! I also took Henry to the library – an important ‘first’ which lasted all of ten minutes after he started fussing loudly 🙂

On the gondola

At the peak

Snowshoeing on Mount Mackenzie

Sunny days!

At the resort pool

Our next guests were close friends from Calgary. Blake’s long-time college friend, Dirk, his wife Kelsey and their dog Summit drove up for another fantastically sunny weekend. Since there was little snow to be found, we went for long walks with the dogs, dipped in the hotel pool and had a wonderful dinner out at the Woolsey Creek Cafe.

Blake, Henry & Dirk reading ‘Powder’ magazine

So warm in the sun!

All dressed up for dinner!

Back at the condo, Blake has been religiously checking the weather while muttering ‘Winter has been cancelled!’.  He has become more and more disappointed about the lack of snow and sub-par skiing conditions. It has gotten to the point where he actually believes that the weatherman who writes ‘NIL’ on the snow report is secretly out to get him! Since I’m worried about his mental health, we are off to Nelson for a few days and will be hosting more friends over the last two weeks here at the Revelstoke Mountain Resort before packing up and making the cross-country trek (again!) home to Sioux Lookout.

How time flies!

Love these two 🙂

Two peas in a pod

This face 🙂

Cute?! Who me?!